Oh, damn. Burrell, it's ok. It's ok to complain, it's ok to hurt, it's ok to be tired, it's ok to be conflicted, it's ok to be goddamned mad, it's just ok. OK?

What sarameg said. I'm so sorry you're going through this, Burrell. DO what you need to do, which definitely includes asking for some help at work.

Burrell, Happy birthday. And I'm glad that you have this safe place to vent so that you can be in good-sister mode where you have to be.

Happy birthday, Calli.

I have an untrustworthy pain tolerance. For things that creep up gradually, I don't really feel it until I'm about to fall over. I've had people point out some illness or other condition and I sort of resented it because I was doing ok until they said something. That may be a feature of my AD/HD brain - hyperfocus on tasks at hand, ignoring everything else including pain. But sudden things hurt hurty McHurt Hurt. Tears come to my eyes for papercuts.

Something for the Good Things Tumblr--fabulous animal photographs: [link]

Burrell, here is a really good place to say the things that are honest but can't be said around people personally affected, for whatever reason. Y'all were a godsend with my mom when I had to be strong, or sensitive, or careful. We won't judge, nor take too much to heart anything you want to restate or rethink down the road.

Also, all of you not taking painkillers or enough painkillers because it's embarrassing or makes you feel weak or like an addict or whatever. STOP THAT. In this society it's so fraught. But if something will help, take it. Tell everyone you didn't if you want. Undertreatment of pain is rampant, and it is some god damn Puritan bullshit.

I have both a low pain tolerance and a high sensitivity to painkillers. So I definitely take meds when I am in pain, but generally speaking I do better with lower doses and OTCs than opiates.

Burrell, it's ok dammit. This is the place--the only place--I ever voiced the infidelity, the money issues. And the realization that I was no longer in love with him. If you're a bad person, then I'm going to hell for sure.

And even day after the birthday is bad. I hope she holds out long enough for some distance to meaningful dates.

Burrell, what they all said. Vent as you need to. Please don't be upset with yourself for what you're feeling. It's normal, and you're not a bad person, not at all. It's so very hard to go through this, and to watch people you love go through it. Like JZ said. It's nothing but hard.

I do appreciate that I can vent here, even if I vent out in my meatspace as well. It's just hard.

I hope she holds out long enough for some distance to meaningful dates.

Ugh. I hope so too. October is a land mine for the family. There was my sister Becca's birthday on the 14th, then mine, and now Becca's daughter's birthday is coming up this week. But it might be too much, asking her to hold on another week.

I just feel so bad for her. It's such an ugly way to go. But there is some grace there too. She is getting to bask in a lot of love right now. Many of the folks she pushed away over the years are coming now to see her. It's touching, and sad, and kind of beautiful.

It's touching, and sad, and kind of beautiful.

I can't think of a better valedictory.