Suzi, I hope you are okay. It is so shocking to lose a work-friend.

I rode the bus in to work from a presentation in the community this morning, and it's been 20 minutes and I still smell STRONGLY of the terrible perfume someone on the bus was wearing. Any tips on how to de-stinkify myself? I took off my jacket, and I'm at work, so further efforts need to be work-friendly (like, I cannot take a shower, or rub a lemon on myself, or stuff like that.) I mean, I can BARELY STAND myself. HELP.

Flea, where's it clinging to? If it's clinging to your hair, can you wet it?

Suzi, I am so sorry to hear about your co-worker. What a shock.

meara, I don't know. She said (in her text) that "maybe one day we can be close again but I need you to give me a lot of space. I have blocked you on fb because I don't want to see you at all."

I don't follow the logic on one day we can be "close" if she won't communicate with me, and ditches me (via text! have some fucking balls) because I missed two yoga classes she teaches because I was sick. She's free to do what she feels is right for her, but if she can't stick with me through the bad times, when I championed her when everyone else wrote her off, then, well, I will focus my energy on being healthier and maintaining friendships with the people who stick by me when I'm struggling hard. I still care for her, and wish her well -- I am loyal -- but I am still angry and I don't know if I can ever fully trust her again.

But mostly, I am trying to just let it go. I can't control her feelings; I can only work on how I react to things.

(Sorry to dump, but I don't have a therapy appointment for a few weeks, and I'm trying hard to take the high road and not enmesh friends in this, so I'm not talking about it much. The last time she got in a fight with a mutual turned into this years long mess of "if she shows up, i won't show up" and I don't want to do that. Of course, ironically, I was the one who mediated a reconciliation between the two. @@)

Oh god, Suzi. I'm so sorry.

Strix, this:

I can't control her feelings; I can only work on how I react to things.

is such a hard thing to learn, but it's absolutely right. I'm sorry she flipped out. Like Jesse said earlier, it sounds like she's got issues of her own.

This is the second co-worker in our group to die in the last year. The first woman died in early February after a brief fight with cancer. It was a shock, but we at least had an inkling of a warning. The woman who died last night was the group admin assistant when I started in CO and has since moved up into a more technical position. Both were well know, well liked, full of heart, made you smile when you talked with them and left (will leave) gapping holes in the office.

Suzi, I'm so sorry. That's so awful, and shocking, and sad.

Strix, it definitely sounds like your friend is dealing (or not dealing) with her own issues, especially since she has a history of this kind of shit. I'm sorry she's acting so callously toward you. Good on you for recognizing what you can and can't control in this situation.

And on a happier note, Burrell, I am SO happy that your sister is doing better today! I've been thinking of you all week, and I will continue wishing her as much recovery as is possible.

And on a happier note, Burrell, I am SO happy that your sister is doing better today! I've been thinking of you all week, and I will continue wishing her as much recovery as is possible.

OMG, so much this. I love the image of her chomping on a bagel and planning for the future.

Oh my god, Suzi, how sad and awful. I'm sorry.

Suzi, how shocking and awful!

I decided on a "sick" day. I've attended two meetings, set up one, have another to go, and am awaiting a phone call from the CIO (I wanted her attention, I sure got some, but this wasn't how...).

Now I'm lying back down. After a nectarine.