It's always hard to feel like you're not living up to expectations, but like the lyrics Kate quoted say, it's not really our job as parents to expect anything from our kids. We have them, and we're supposed to raise them to be capable, self-reliant adults who can make their own choices, whatever they are.
I feel like I get both sides of this, though, and that it's always easier said than done, especially when it comes to my oldest. And no matter what, I still feel like I let down my parents.
LIFE. Is hard.
Also, ::primal scream of OMGWTF my job I hate you::
I love that song too, Kate.
Thinking about lives and expectations and families is making me surprisingly emotional right now.
me too
I am super grateful that I don't get any of that from my parents.
Also I think I may be having a mid-life crisis.
Also I think I may be having a mid-life crisis.
Oh god yes. It's not quite existential, yet.
I am definitely aware of my mid-life status, increasing daily. I wouldn't describe my current level as "crisis" and, like Jesse, I am day by day very happy. But. It isn't at all the life I imagined at a younger age. But you know? I am probably happier and saner than I had any right to ever expect, and I am grateful every day for this. I am not exaggerating.
And on a personal note, just being able to be a person who can gamble or drink whenever I want to and not have it take over my life? I don't know how I escaped those illnesses, but I did. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop in terms of illnesses that have run in my family for generations, but so far so good. So, yeah. Not necessarily the life I visualized, but not so shabby anyway.
MsBelle, I hope your brother and his beloved have a beautiful wedding and a lifetime of happiness.
ION, how is my coworker such a fucking idiot? He has been in this field for years! No, we can not just ignore that question! Answer the fucking question (Claire!). (NO! I NEVER DID IT!)
Edit: Everyone has seen The Breakfast Club as many times as I have, right??
Answer the fucking question (Claire!). (NO! I NEVER DID IT!)
brb dying of stifled laughter
It's like, I feel fine with my own day-to-day, but I feel bad that I don't have a kid for my dad to play with.
I feel bad that my mother's DNA stops here and my father doesn't get a re-do on bad parenting decisions. But by the time I feel all that I realise those are pretty crap reasons to reproduce, so if that's all that was tugging at my atrophying ovaries--just as well.
I feel I have spent 43 or so years trying to get my mother to appreciate that I don't look at it like that. My father cares *so* much less, and that kinda surprised me when I worked it out. But I think I'm talking my mother into more understanding of people's opinions on gender dynamics, and if I hide my paltry opinions behind something as momentous as reassignment surgery, maybe she won't mind the men's clothes or baldness so much.
Maybe.
I
know
my life disappoints them, but I also know it's not my fault. Still feels like mine to carry, though.
I have to call in sick for the whole day. That sleep thing felt really good, and I need to not need the ER this week.
Msbelle, I'm glad your brother has a life he loves. And a sister that is fierce.
And on a personal note, just being able to be a person who can gamble or drink whenever I want to and not have it take over my life? I don't know how I escaped those illnesses, but I did. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop in terms of illnesses that have run in my family for generations, but so far so good.
Oh, javachik, I am right there with you, in a huge way. My family is one big ball of addictions for generations, and I am the only member of my nuclear family who isn't an alcoholic. It's kind of a lot of pressure sometimes.
