We had no wedding favors. We were young and hadn't been to a lot of weddings yet (ours was the first among our friends, by a few years), and it didn't even occur to me as something you were supposed to do.

Well, favors aren't actually something you're supposed to do. It's just a thing that's gained so much traction that everyone does it, because everyone thinks they have to do it, because everyone does it. (I say this as someone who is, indeed, having wedding favors -- 2-piece boxes of Godiva. We like our chocolate.)

In fact, Miss Manners is very clear on wedding favors: "Who told you that you had to give out wedding favors? Etiquette has never thought of weddings as comparable to children’s birthday parties, where the guests might need consolation for not being the center of attention."

She ain't one to mince words, I tell you what.

t edit I obviously don't think there's anything wrong with favors (chocolate buzz, yay!), but I just wanted to offer Miss Manners' perspective on it. I think if I went to a wedding where there weren't favors, I wouldn't even notice their absence.

Chocolate is GOOD.

Etiquette has never thought of weddings as comparable to children’s birthday parties, where the guests might need consolation for not being the center of attention.

And what's weird there is that didn't start until recently, too, or at least I thought. I never went to a birthday party as a kid and brought home anything other than a craft or leftover cake. But these the favors are outrageous. It's a really expensive part of the party, no matter how cheap you go.

I think a memento is a nice thing, and like I said, chocolate is good! I also loved one wedding where we got these little plantable favors that would grow wildflowers.

I _love_ that info from Ms. Manners. Heh. Indeed.

For the wedding I did last November, the 'favor' aspect of the program was based upon the fact that the couple live in a small apartment and had no interest in keeping any of the elements of their uber-cool centerpieces. Et viola! Books, lanterns, candles, postcards...all walk-aways.

The coolest bit is that, during the reception, people were actively bargaining with each other to take the books that were actually of interest to them.

Way better than jordan almonds, eh?

I do like jordan almonds, though.

Although I ALSO liked the wedding where the tables had pictures of the couple with every guest, and the picture was your favor.

the couple live in a small apartment and had no interest in keeping any of the elements of their uber-cool centerpieces. Et viola! Books, lanterns, candles, postcards...all walk-aways.

We're telling people to take our centerpieces (if they want), because we have so much shit* in the house that they'll just end up in a box in the attic forever. (We're doing black-and-white photos of us in mason jars filled with oil, like this: [link] surrounded by tea lights in glass holders.)

*(The actual wording in the programs will probably not have swear words. PROBABLY.)

Oh, that's really cool, Steph!

Etiquette has never thought of weddings as comparable to children’s birthday parties, where the guests might need consolation for not being the center of attention.

Yeah, I'm with Amy--I don't recall favors at my birthday parties at all! And I can't say as I remember any particular favors from previous weddings.

Although I ALSO liked the wedding where the tables had pictures of the couple with every guest, and the picture was your favor.

That sounds awesome, but also like a lot of work!!

And what's weird there is that didn't start until recently, too, or at least I thought. I never went to a birthday party as a kid and brought home anything other than a craft or leftover cake. But these the favors are outrageous. It's a really expensive part of the party, no matter how cheap you go.

When I was a kid, standard was a goodie bag with a few pieces of candy and maybe some plastic jewelry or hair thingies or a toy car or something little like that.

That sounds awesome, but also like a lot of work!!

Seriously.

When I was a kid, standard was a goodie bag with a few pieces of candy and maybe some plastic jewelry or hair thingies or a toy car or something little like that.

Yeah, that sounds about right to me.

There was one year when, if you wanted to be really cool, you'd give out packs of Garbage Pail Kids cards in your goodie bags. A few years later, it was slap bracelets.