Happy bday, PC!

Woke up at 9pm last night because the only pain meds I had pm in the name. Got to my parents at 5:30. Still haven't gotten to sleep. And am on my third glass of wine. Thankfully dad is off at work so he can't judge me.

Happy Birthday, P-C!!!

We're headed out to get our marriage license. I'm trying to come up with syphilis jokes, just in case. t edit Because I am a GODDAMN ROMANTIC.

Sometimes I think it would be useful to have a shared email account for when people want to reach us as a household rather than as individuals (anything having to do with kids/schools/coop), but most people who know us that well have both our email addresses, and it's not like forwarding to each other is a huge hassle, so.

I also sometimes think we should have a landline or shared Google Voice number for the same reason, but I'm far too lazy to set it up.

I've had Botox twice. The first time was a bust, the injections in the wrong places. The second time was better and I told him I wanted more--the key is the back of my head. But botox now wouldn't help this headache.

See, right now, work is...unstable, to say the least. And to say the most I can say right now. Really great idea to be the most reliable all star employee I can be. But I haven't eaten in 24 hours, I've been crying since I woke up, and I have two pieces of gel shit applied to my stubble haphazardly. I'm a wreck, a wreck who hasn't been into the office in two days.

Do I take the whole day off and go into the St Johns ER immediately?

Do I work the day and try and miss no time and go in after work?

Do I pull myself together, take off the Lidoderm, go into the office for the half day my ankle allows, take the second half off, while I wait for advice that my doctor never gives and then try alienating my last rescue resource?

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING OTHER THAN I"M STILL CRYING.

But quiet-like. Don't want to make the headache worse.

These three weeks would have been epically work hard without the bad stuff, hard life-wise without the work stuff, just...more than I know how to handle.

And as far as handling goes, I want to dump my psychologist because she wants me to a) feel optimistic about my medical care (I have been thorough, I think she just likes the word hope as much as I disdain it) and b) wants me to feel, with her, better than west coast people--honey, if it comes to that, I feel better than you too--but that doesn't help my headaches in the least. Thanks for the low glycemic diet. It's helped my lymphedema out of nowhere. But I don't know what our future together is about....

I wish your brain would give you a break, ita !

Birthday happies for P-C.

Oh, ita, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something we could do to help.

Happy birthday, P-C!

Happy Birthday, P-C!

Sending you emotional support ita, since I can't be of help in any practical way.

Goddamn it, ita. I'm furious at the universe on your behalf, and blind-rage furious at all those bits of it coalesced within the bodies and brains of the medical team that should be doing some fucking thing about this and is failing you so badly. All my vibes. If it'd help, I could ask a couple of the pain management people here for advice -- there's one person in particular I would trust my kid's life and pain with in a second -- but I don't know that it'd be any more fruitful. Broken system, breaking people. I hate it. You deserve so infinitely better.

Yeah, what JZ said.

Yesterday I found out that my friend who I'm staying with has never (at the age of 50+) been in a hot tub. (She also doesn't know how to log out of Facebook.)