I've had Botox twice. The first time was a bust, the injections in the wrong places. The second time was better and I told him I wanted more--the key is the back of my head. But botox now wouldn't help this headache.
See, right now, work is...unstable, to say the least. And to say the most I can say right now. Really great idea to be the most reliable all star employee I can be. But I haven't eaten in 24 hours, I've been crying since I woke up, and I have two pieces of gel shit applied to my stubble haphazardly. I'm a wreck, a wreck who hasn't been into the office in two days.
Do I take the whole day off and go into the St Johns ER immediately?
Do I work the day and try and miss no time and go in after work?
Do I pull myself together, take off the Lidoderm, go into the office for the half day my ankle allows, take the second half off, while I wait for advice that my doctor never gives and then try alienating my last rescue resource?
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING OTHER THAN I"M STILL CRYING.
But quiet-like. Don't want to make the headache worse.
These three weeks would have been epically work hard without the bad stuff, hard life-wise without the work stuff, just...more than I know how to handle.
And as far as handling goes, I want to dump my psychologist because she wants me to a) feel optimistic about my medical care (I have been thorough, I think she just likes the word hope as much as I disdain it) and b) wants me to feel, with her, better than west coast people--honey, if it comes to that, I feel better than you too--but that doesn't help my headaches in the least. Thanks for the low glycemic diet. It's helped my lymphedema out of nowhere. But I don't know what our future together is about....
I wish your brain would give you a break, ita !
Birthday happies for P-C.
Oh, ita, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something we could do to help.
Happy birthday, P-C!
Happy Birthday, P-C!
Sending you emotional support ita, since I can't be of help in any practical way.
Goddamn it, ita. I'm furious at the universe on your behalf, and blind-rage furious at all those bits of it coalesced within the bodies and brains of the medical team that should be doing some fucking thing about this and is failing you so badly. All my vibes. If it'd help, I could ask a couple of the pain management people here for advice -- there's one person in particular I would trust my kid's life and pain with in a second -- but I don't know that it'd be any more fruitful. Broken system, breaking people. I hate it. You deserve so infinitely better.
Yesterday I found out that my friend who I'm staying with has never (at the age of 50+) been in a hot tub. (She also doesn't know how to log out of Facebook.)
So it turns out a good way to be sure that going into the office is the wrong decision is to go into the office.
Want a shred more backstory? The day before I broke my ankle I had a procedure done that numbed the pain in my left shoulder. Not neck, but shoulder. Pretty cleanly. With the broken ankle I've had to wear a lot of backpacks. Normally I don't wear shit on the left side, because obvious reasons.
Guess what I just learnt (in a very hands on fashion) is wearing off? Guess what is a hotline to migraine?
I'm trying to work out how not to cry at my desk. I'm trying to work out how to get anything done. I'm trying to work out how to last until they've finished washing my (incredibly filthy) car. I'm trying to work out how to explain in my stupidly complicated work situation how I need to bail with looming immovable deadlines that are seemingly more implacable than sick time...and a meeting at noon.
If I laugh, I will cry.
Another student just let me know that WebAssign is down.
