I love gardening. I'm not much into lawns, but if you make the gardens big enough that doesn't matter. Depending on how you set them up, once you get them established, gardens can be pretty low maintenance, with just a few weekends of major effort in spring and fall. Yay mulch, soaker hoses, and perennials!

We're having issues with the mortgage; the ex-wife is still on the house, and refinancing is a...waiting game. We won't really know if we'll be able to refinance in D's name only until September.

It's all a big complex mess -- so we don't really know if we'll be able to keep this house, therefore no money goes into the yard/house until we know more in the fall. So...planters and the wee garden plot in front will be what I can work on. Nothing huge.

It's really stressful and quite the PITA.

Going way back, whenever anyone leaves this house, they have to kiss me and say goodbye, but we're all either related or married, so maybe that's a bit different from roomies.

IONews, thanks to this thread, I've diagnosed myself with ADD (not ADHD, which is too bad, because I have some memory that ADD is no longer a diagnosis). I then scored 32 on Teppy's quiz, but some of my answers to those questions (waiting on line, fidgeting), have more to do with my panic disorder than anything else.

With me it's can't concentrate at all, or hyperfocus. Pick one. I just try to pick the one that best suits the occasion.

Beverly, me too, but some of this is (for me, I mean) my personality. Like my house is immaculate or an embarrassment. I seem to be an all-or-nothing person as an offshoot of being a procrastinating perfectionist.

Thanks for the good vibes and well wishes, everybody. It's a type of cancer that doesn't metastasize, so as long as we caught it before it got too invasive, surgery should be simple. It'll be in a couple weeks, right after the semester ends. As for anesthesia, turns out I'm very sensitive to it, so it can make me pass out. Luckily it takes a much smaller dose to medicate the area too. But still, makes me nervous when I know they need to use it.

Burrell, is this a local anesthetic? I just ask, because I'm nosy, and because my dad had some basal cell carcinomas removed and didn't need to be knocked out (and when I read your first post, "knocked out" was how I was parsing 'anesthetic'). Either way, I'm glad this cancer is so treatable and hope your doc finds an easy way around your trouble with anesthesia.

ION, a very busy day today. It started with the eye doctor, and I'm tentatively scheduled for cataract surgery in 4 weeks. The upfront cost is nearly half that quoted by the clinic we went to last year, and I can get a lens that will negate the astigmatism in that eye. The doctor's suggesting I'd only need reading glasses for that eye afterwards, which makes me nervous about coping with my other eye still needing a strong prescription, and with the delay before I could get a new lens or new glasses altogether.

Connie, my mom (who was quite nearsighted and had astigmatisms in both eyes, but also needed a reading prescription after age 50 or so) just had her cataracts done. She opted for the lenses that would correct her astigmatism. Everything is pretty well and fine, now. That said, the time between surgery on the first eye and the second drove her crazy. If it isn't financially impossible for you, maybe you can ask your eye doc if, between surgeries, they can swap out the lens in your glasses on the corrected side, so that it is bifocal, with clear glass up top and your reading strength on the bottom. I should know how to word this better, and would, were my coffee not broken.

I got stuck in the "go for drinks" era.

Being in my forties, I want to agree with Kat, but find I'm right there with Ginger.

I always say "let's get coffee" even though I drink tea. Weird.

Especially since you really mean "cake," Amy.

ION, we have to start saving for my SS's bar mitzvah next May. (Stepmom to a teenager -- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!)

I know his mom is going to make it some superfancy thing, but I'm kind of averse to spending more on a mitzvah than I did on my wedding (and non-existent wedding ring and honeymoon.) Plus, travel to PA and hotel. Which is why we are starting a fund a year ahead. He's a fantastic kid, and we want to support this milestone, but not to the tune of thousands of dollars.

What should I expect from a mitzvah? I know M has to give a speech in Hebrew, but that's about it.

ETA: "Like my house is immaculate or an embarrassment. I seem to be an all-or-nothing person as an offshoot of being a procrastinating perfectionist."

THIS. Oh, yes. This is how I am, and it's really annoying. If I can't do something all the way, I tend not to even start.

My dad has had the cataracts surgeries, and he said it was simple and the results were fantastic.

How many people get so lucky with the second wife?

That is awesome, SuziQ. The opposite is a complete horror. When DH#1 remarried it was a jackpot for me too. Partly because we were still close friends and I wanted the best for him, although he often reminded me why I needed to divorce him. They drove together the 6 hours to pick up my dog when #2 was ill and kept her until well after the funeral to take dog care off my plate. She wrote to me to let me know when he passed so I wouldn't hear it in the news or something. We didn't have kids, but she made keeping our friendship a possibility and many exes would have issues with that.

DH claims that the ADHD got him through college because on top of his full class schedule in a tough program he played basketball with the demanding travel and practice commitment, and worked many hours in the computer lab for work study. He comes from the camp that believes he just needs to learn to make it work for you. He is blind to the many ways it doesn't.

waves to the early birds, and heads back to work...

Strix I've been to one Bar and one Bat Mitzvah. The children (the ones I knew) were each members of a Hebrew School class, and each student gave a speech during the religious service (which was really lovely). I think the parents did, too (but it's been a couple of years since the last one, so don't quote me). The children also carried a scroll of the torah throughout the sanctuary (I am sorry if I'm using the wrong term, here). Both times, I found the service incredibly moving. Also, there was a small reception in the synagogue after, before we went on to the reception hall(s). The extras I noticed (as in extra money spendy things) during the religious service were customized programs, customized kippot (yarmulkes; although both synagogues already had kippot available). Depending on the type of synagogue your step-son attends, you (and the other female attendees) may have to follow a dress code (e.g. covered arms, etc) for the religious service.

After, the parents rented out a hall and had a dinner/dance/party, but that's the extra stuff, you know? I don't know what your step-son's mom has in mind, and how much you and dh will have to/want to contribute, but to me as a non-Jewish attendee, I can seriously say the most impressive part of it all was the religious service (which is not what's going to cost you). Don't get me wrong, the parties at the reception halls were lovely and fun, but as with wedding receptions, the reception isn't the point. It's a lovely extra, but lovely extras, IMO, shouldn't send you to the poorhouse.

I wish I could give you an idea of the $$, but I think that varies from state to state and city to city. It will also vary on whether you have a band/DJ, and what kind of menu you choose for the reception.

My dad has had the cataracts surgeries, and he said it was simple and the results were fantastic.

In case I sounded too doom-and-gloom, before, I want to add my mom's surgeries went splendidly as did her recovery. It's only because of her astigmatism that she had a hard time coping between having the first eye done and the second eye done. A couple of months out from the 2nd surgery, her only difficulty is breaking old habits. For 50 or more years, she had to get close to things to see them. Now that her nearsightedness and astigmatisms have been corrected, she's had to get used to coping with the sort of farsightedness that most of us have to deal with, starting around age 45, but she's doing really well.

Strix, is there anything specific you want to know? (I have no idea about the money part, though, other than "a lot," usually.)

Thanks, Connie!

Hil, it's a Reform COngregation. The webpage for bar/bat mitzahs say they welcome all family members to participate in the ceremony, regardless of religious affiliation, and they customize the ceremony with the kid's input, so I think it's up to M. He's a doll, and loves all of his parents, so I'm happy to participate or to witness, whatever HE wants.

What roles might a parent-figure play in the ceremony? Do family members give speeches or toasts at the after-party? As long as I wear a modest dress, are bright colors or such verboten? Do parents just pay for the party, or is an additional gift to the child de riguer?

I think I'm going to put a cap on our contribution at $500. When we figure in travel costs and a hotel, I think that's reasonable. If she wants to go all out, then she can do whatever she likes with contributions from her far wealthier family.

So, if I opened the tab for the ADD quiz an hour ago and then forgot about it while I was doing other things...I probably don't need to take the quiz, do I.

I scored a 33, which is moderate ADHD... but since this is a test of symptoms, I think my anxiety and anxiety-coping behaviors add to the score.

Note that being really busy will also increase your score....