I would be irritated if my roommate asked me to check in or out. That's family or relationship stuff, and maybe not even always then.

Oh, I meant irritated at being asked to announce my comings and goings.

Anyway, he said that there was no amount of "motivation" or rewards in the world that could help him with his issues of inattentiveness, time-blindness, etc. Because what he needs is accomodation, not motivation. I didn't understand, and he said, "What if I took away your glasses, and asked you what would motivate you to see clearly? It's like that. I don't need a reward; I need help to accomplish what I need to accomplish."

Wow. Steph, I'm going to write this down. This is exactly the way it is. I've never responded to motivation/reward, and never understood why. (Disclaimer: I've never been diagnosed ADD, mostly because I've never gone to a doctor who could, but I'm pretty sure I am. I don't think ADD was even a recognized Thing when I was a kid.)

That makes sense, Steph. Just trying to figure out what CJ's glasses are. The biggest problem seems to be getting homework done, which puts the onus back on me. Per the advisor, IEP isn't quite where we would start. The first step is to try out various accommodations to see what works and then write that up as a formal plan.

Don't recall if I said it above, she was going to go around to his classes with him, talk with the teachers to come up with a plan for what work needs to be done for him to pass the class and discuss potential accomodations.

He doesn't seem to need more time for tests. Seatting preference and help with organization are the big things. I'm also wondering, now, if I can get the teacher to send me the assigned homework so I can follow up with CJ on the stuff that is supposed to happen here.

The biggest problem seems to be getting homework done, which puts the onus back on me.

Not just you; CJ needs to work with you to figure out what kind of structure/scenario works best for him.

He doesn't seem to need more time for tests. Seatting preference and help with organization are the big things. I'm also wondering, now, if I can get the teacher to send me the assigned homework so I can follow up with CJ on the stuff that is supposed to happen here.

Those all sound like pretty common things that can help (seating, organization, you getting info on homework). I think it's really good (believe it or not) that this has become an issue now, because if he can get some accomodations in place now, it'll help him tremendously in college.

Is there a CHADD chapter near you? If there is, you might want to check them out. I know they've been helpful to a lot of people who come to ours.

I've never been diagnosed ADD, mostly because I've never gone to a doctor who could, but I'm pretty sure I am. I don't think ADD was even a recognized Thing when I was a kid.

Tim didn't actually get formally tested/evaluated until last year (SPOILER: he has ADD!), even though his doctor diagnosed him years ago with ADD and prescribed meds based on his self-reported symptoms. Tim is almost 48, and when he was a kid, it wasn't recognized as a Thing. He was just labelled as lazy and stupid. Which breaks my heart for poor wee Tim.

You and me both, Zen (although I did have a doctor prescribe me Adderall, she felt like I didn't need to be tested - does that count as a diagnosis?) Anyway, I need to remind myself of this all the time, that it isn't a character flaw, or just that I am not trying hard enough (which is what I was told all my life "we know you can do this if you just try", hard to unlearn that). Tim's description/explanation is really good.

ETA: when I was a kid it was just starting to be a Thing, but definitely not a thing girls had. My mom cut out an article describing how ADHD presents differently in girls when I was in my 20s, but even then it was supposed to be something you grew out of, so she was like "in case you have kids, be ready for them to have this because you totally did". It wasn't until sometime in the last decade I realized that all that is not, in fact, just me failing for no apparent reason to manage what everyone else appears to do easily, but a continuing condition that has, wonder of wonders, treatments!

Anyway, I need to remind myself of this all the time, that it isn't a character flaw, or just that I am not trying hard enough (which is what I was told all my life "we know you can do this if you just try", hard to unlearn that).

This is 100% Tim.

The person who wrote this stupid crap I'm editing uses "ruff" instead of "rough". I'm cultivating an active dislike.

Oh, I meant irritated at being asked to announce my comings and goings.

Oh, good! Now I feel less weird that I don't feel obligated to communicate my whereabouts unless you're my mom or my significant other.

I mean, if my roommate is nearby when I'm leaving I'll say goodbye. I'm not a total jerk.

which is what I was told all my life "we know you can do this if you just try", hard to unlearn that

I am so guilty of this. I need to do some ADHD research so I can fix the way I talk about this. I know it guts CJ cause he is obviously a smart kid, he just needs his "glasses" in whatever form that takes. I really like that description.