I want a bellini. Or anything with alcohol in it, really. But I have to wait a few hours before I can. Rant ahoy.

I had a good time yesterday at a gaming fest thrown by the local gamer group. And then I couldn't sleep last night, with my stupid brain running in circles wailing nobody really likes you you're too needy you pathetic loser you should have stayed home and watched tv also you're really fat and nobody really likes you on and on until 4am when I finally fell asleep and had bad dreams in which someone was telling me to dye the gray out of my hair. I woke up angry and full of self-loathing, and am fighting the black dog of depression with everything I can muster up.

And of course, my sister is coming over in a few minutes with her BF to "help" me do yard/garden work that I don't feel like doing and don't really care about getting done, and I know she won't listen and we'll do it anyway because that's what always happens. (It's the bed we created in the side yard, that stubbornly refuses to grow anything but weeds. She wants to rake up all the mulch, plant stuff, put down landscaping fabric, and re-mulch. I want to hire someone to rip it all out and put sod down. I should have left it as grass.)

So I've done some house cleaning, I'm making mental plans to get rid of/rearrange a lot of my stuff, and I'm girding my loins to deal with this yardwork, and then she'll go home and I'll have that drink.

Grindered the front porch railing for 90 minutes. Enough for today, there's still plenty to go and I want to stripper it at least once. Had to shower off all the dusts. Even though I'll be showering again in an hour. I couldn't touch anything, I was so gross.

Zen, does blasting loud happy music help at all? I know it's just a distraction, but it helps me sometimes. I can send you my happy mix if you want it!

I watched an hour of CNN yesterday, and it was all Malaysian airliner. Etc, CNN.

Still no internet.

So I'm getting lots of reading in, and lots of yard work. Today I need to make a big pot of stew for the week, change my sheets, and clip the dog's nails.

Then maybe I'll read some more.

Sara, saying you "grindered" the porch makes me think it involve using Grindr!

Grinding and stripping and then having to shower because you're so gross does make it sound like sarameg was having way more fun than there's usually to be had with home maintenance.

I totally went to a Grindr place too.

Just make it through, Zen.

Grinding and stripping and then having to shower because you're so gross does make it sound like sarameg was having way more fun than there's usually to be had with home maintenance.

Hee.

Ack, Consuela, I would be losing my mind from lack of internet.

I hit the wall so bad today. Didn't sleep enough, then church, now all I can do is laundry and I can't believe I have to go to work tomorrow.

Okay, first, Zen, you're awesome, we all enjoy spending time with you.

Second, have that drink before your sister gets there, it will make her visit better.

I am out of the house to get my first real pedi post foot surgery. My last one I was still the the boot and really had a one foot pedi and the other foot trimmed and polished. Anyway, headed out of the house in sandals and it is snowing. Nothing is sticking yet so I said fuck it and kept going. Might be interesting getting home.