We were sent home an hour early through the benevolence of our Director, hooray! Now if this headache would just go away I could enjoy the holiday. Although being home with a headache is already better than being at work with a headache.

I just picked up my car from the shop. Almost three thousand dollars of damage but I just had to pay a $500 deductible.

The damage was confined to the bumper and grill, plus a radiator bracket.

I live in the most conservative part of Utah, where the County Clerk is refusing to grant any marriage licenses. I've been slightly nervous of local reactions.

But across the cubicle wall, a girl is saying, "Oh, my sister got married today!" "She was able to get in?" said another girl. "Yes, we heard about it on Friday, but she and Susan couldn't get to the office in time. I'm so sad I missed it, it's so sweet!"

My neighbors can pleasantly surprise me.

Nunya is sitting next to me on the couch stuffing her face in my armpit. I think she knows I'm going away for a few days. I wish I could take them with me, but between their poor traveling tolerance, and then way too many crazy animals at my folks place, I'd rather they have some abandonment anxiety and J stopping by to check on them.

The brother called. He didn't know I'd delayed coming up a day (didn't get to sleep until 2am, wonder why). He asked if I knew what had happened, Yes, told him I'd smack him upside the head when I saw him, he said Good, he needed it (it's easy this way, but it's all pretend, he always knows the right things to say to be contrite and acknowledge that he's fucked up and will endeavor to do better). I asked him how he was doing. Outwardly he's not as broken up as I expected, but he's good at hiding that, too.

Apparently the wedding isn't off, his fiance just wants him to get his shit together. Wedding is in June. I think there's something wrong with the fiance, some willful denial that she was shocked, Simply Shocked!, that he had such a severe drinking problem, when my mom could tell on the phone with him at one point, with K the fiance in the background, that he was drunk.

Now mom is wondering if it's too enabling to help them with the mortgage for six months (and only six months). Because it's not just my brother who's going down with this, it's also K. And I wonder (I have no idea what her mental state is to have been with him through all the shit he's already put her through) if she needs this to hit rock bottom for her as well so she can make a "clean" break from him.

But maybe her brand of nuttiness and loyalty is what big bro needs. I'd been proud of him for awhile for pulling his shit together, my own personal RDJ. But he's had the girl and the house for awhile now, and she hasn't fixed him, or been willfully aware of any problems that she could have tried to "fix", and I don't see that it's healthy that he's with a girl who thinks he can be fixed in time for a June wedding, and maybe it's best for him for the relationship to fail and break him away from a cliched relationship.

IDEFK.

I have a "diamond shoes are too tight" problem. My kids have a lot of loving family members who buy them generous gifts; in some cases very generous ones. This Christmas, they are getting presents from my mother, brother, sister, father, grandfather, and cousin, and from mr. flea's sister and parents. And us, and each other. Several of the people ask me for wish lists and buy right off them, and others are generally good gift-givers. The problem is 1) too many presents and 2) I have this ridiculous thing where I feel like the gift from MOM should be the best gift for a kid, but we'd have to go ridiculously over the top to make something stand out amidst the general giftery. I know many of the people giving really enjoy giving my kids gifts, and aren't doing it from obligation (my childless brother spends a ton on them, and seems to love doing so.) I know the kids love getting one zillion presents. How can I get over being mildly distressed about this wonderful situation that makes everyone happy but me?

Can you set aside some time, it doesn't have to be long, when you can go ahead and feel distressed and not feel guilty or otherwise bad about it? Just wallow in your own feelings and don't worry about whether they are justified or not. For, like, ten minutes or half an hour or whatever - set a timer. Maybe that would help.

In good news, I haven't paid the electric bill for two months, and this third month, it's less than the last two combined. I have no idea what the billing department is doing, but they've a history of overestimating instead of reading my meter, so I'm not going to argue the point when I'm short on funds (Christmas bonus goes towards presents for the family and new winter-wear for me). Expecially since these are the people who send me three emails with the same timestamp with three different amounts owed, and a lot of times it's a credit because they overcharged me previously.

How can I get over being mildly distressed about this wonderful situation that makes everyone happy but me?

It makes your kids happy, right? That's the only barometer I've got for Christmas morning.

And the way they remember Christmas. If they're lucky enough to remember it as a bounty and joyous, then that seems like a good thing to me.

They're excited. Not so much for the things (though the things are great!) but because so much love and attention is being showered on them.

I can tell my mother feels bad that she's not going to have much for me to open on Christmas. But she's spending a ton of money on my presents! They just aren't ones to open. (And I'm not even counting all the work on the apartment...) I think motherhood is just fraught sometimes.

I have wrapped all the family presents, and the house looks like a shambles, but is clean enough that an hour of straightening tonight and tomorrow will be plenty. Then I just have to cut up the crudite (why did I not buy a pre-cut thing??) and maybe put some bows on boxes. I am in good shape!

Oh hey, Amy -- that story about the kid extreme couponing for charity? Blowing UP. [link]