But I never thought of it as bullying in her case. I thought of it as girls trying--and failing--to negotiate their friendships, their own power, their feelings of powerlessness.

I think you are right that at this age, it probably was more about learning about relationships/power than true bullying. It just hurt my heart so much to see my sweet baby's feelings so hurt. I was also shocked that this stuff starts so early!

Franny went through something very similar at her first school. It lasted the whole time she was there. But I never thought of it as bullying in her case. I thought of it as girls trying--and failing--to negotiate their friendships, their own power, their feelings of powerlessness.

Yes, this. We recently read an article at school about the overuse of the term "bully" to describe normal (though no less crappy) instances of social cruelty, and it really made me think about that term. Not that it's any easier to witness as a parent, I'm sure. Seeing kids be cruel to someone they seem the outsider for whatever reason is awful, whether bullying or just general meanness.

Aims, I'd like your address too if Em wouldn't mind one more letter. I'm so sorry she's dealing with this.

Aims, I was thinking - would it be helpful to find her books or tv or movies where people have dealt with those situations? Everything that's coming to mind may be too mature for her (Mean Girls, Heathers, Saved, Freaks and Geeks, etc.).

Just to be clear, Aims, I’m wasn’t making a judgment about Em’s situation. I was just building off of GC’s point.

Perhaps I'm being ridiculously dense, but I fail to see the meaningful distinction that many people seem to see between "kids being assholes" and "bullying."

I actually think that that's sort of representative of some of the reasons anti-bullying campaigns are so rarely effective (and they are rarely effective). No one thinks they're the one being a bully because they're not the kid from A Christmas Story.

smonster, did you get an email from me at your profile addy?

Yes I did, you sneaky minx! Thank you, love.

I was early again this morning, go me. I've basically been taken out of the loop on all decision-making stuff, but I think I'm not going to care. I'm just going to hunker down, work my ass off (if only I could do that literally), watch and listen and learn. And hopefully regain trust. No one has responded to my email, but I'm not hugely surprised. This is awkard shit to talk about.

bonny, any good resources to recommend to keep a rat terrier happily engaged and occupied? She's crating him now, which is great, but he's still a bouncy barking licking mess when out. Also, he peed on my bed AGAIN which means I'm washing all my bedding AGAIN. If I close the door when he's out, it means my cats only have access to 1, maybe 2 of their litter boxes. I don't really want to trade dog pee for cat pee. Also, I think he's peeing on their scratching posts. IDEK. She's planning to adopt him for reals soon, which I'm not opposed to - just at a loss.

Aimee I'm so sorry Emeline is going through this because she ROCKS! She's a great kid, creative and intersting and I'm sorry the other kids are being mean to her.

I wish there was a buffista group for her.

That's great, smonster, you're doing the absolutely right things and it's totally fine to keep your head down a while.

smonster, for your bed, I'd do a couple of quick aversion things like leaving cookie sheets with coins on them, or sheets of aluminum foil. Both the sound and the crinkle are aversive.

Crating, yay!

How about a baby gate in front of your door? The cats could jump over and Ratty would stay outside.

Things that will occupy a RT...nose games, like hiding treats in nooks and crannies and sending him to 'go find'. As simple as Cagney is, bless him, he LOVES this game. Sadly, he can actually watch me hide the treats and still has trouble finding them. Poor noodlebrain.

Ratties love to dig in search of things. If you have a ratty (pun intended) sheet, tuck a treat in a corner and then rollnwrap it up in the whole sheet. Let the pooch unravel the ball.

Teach him the 'relax' command. This is a stunted 'roll over' where you guide him to stop on his side and put his head down. It is very difficult, physiologically, for a pooch to stay tense when prone.

I recommend Pat Miller's "The Power of Positive Dog Training." Tons of graphically taught games and behaviors.

RTs are super smart (which is much of the problem). If you teach him the 'touch' command...where he puts his nose on your palm, you can use that one command to teach everything from a reliable recall to turning the lights on and off. It involves post-it notes. Pat and/or youtube can teach this.

For inspiration, search youtube for "Just Jesse". Jesse is as Jack, but the breed instincts are very similar...one seeks/destroys voles, the other rats. Verminexterminators, yo.

I forgot smonster asked for advice on the dog and thought bonny was giving her advice for getting out of bed on time.