People have been praising me for being so strong, which I find weird. I mean, what are my options, abandoning him in a crisis? Not helping him with scheduling treatments and transport? I don't think it's strong to be doing--and not doing--what I think any honorable spouse should be doing--and not doing--in such a situation. And I never know what hte proper response to "Oh, you're so strong!" is. Thank you? The attempt at a gracious, depreciating smile I've been using? I think I'd rather have a well-meaning "You're in my prayers" to praise.

Oh, yeah, Connie. I got that. Sometimes I wanted to say "well you didn't see me in a crying heap on my kitchen floor yesterday." Mostly I stuck with "thanks."

People have been praising me for being so strong, which I find weird. I mean, what are my options, abandoning him in a crisis? Not helping him with scheduling treatments and transport? I don't think it's strong to be doing--and not doing--what I think any honorable spouse should be doing--and not doing--in such a situation.

There are plenty of people who abandon their loved ones, literally or emotionally, when things get too tough for them to deal. Strong isn't not crying in a heap on the floor; it's getting up again and doing what you need to. I know lots of people who are just not emotionally capable of dealing with overwhelmingly scary things.

Amiee, my heart breaks for Em, but I'm so glad she's got the mother and father she's got, and friends that will stick with her.

Does Em have any on-line peeps? I know my childhood would have been a different world if I had.

Aims, I'd love to send Em a card.

Toddson - She actually has a bunch of purses. And she loves lions and dogs and cats and horses and bunnies and basically any animal, as is fitting for a 9 year old.

And I never know what hte proper response to "Oh, you're so strong!" is. Thank you?

Yes, although if it truly bothers you, you can ask to not be praised for supporting your husband through this crisis, and I'm sure those around you will respect your wishes.

I'll admit I heard a lot of "you're so strong" last semester, and while I often felt it was unearned (I wasn't feeling strong, I was feeling like a hot mess), it didn't bother me. I do think it takes strength sometimes to do what simply needs to be done.

There are plenty of people who abandon their loved ones, literally or emotionally, when things get too tough for them to deal. Strong isn't not crying in a heap on the floor; it's getting up again and doing what you need to. I know lots of people who are just not emotionally capable of dealing with overwhelmingly scary things.

Yeah, but it is kind of awkward to respond to. And I'll admit on particularly bad days it made me want to flip out in a "well who the fuck is going to be if I'm not" kind of way. That probably has more to do with my own issues as an oldest sibling.

I personally hate it when people praise my handling of my disability.

I guess I don't personally value the strength of endurance as highly as I do the strength of action. I find it easier to hunker down and endure rather than striving on and accomplishing things that are hard. Amazing the ways we find to beat ourselves up.