It is really easy to be down on yourself - esp when other people are involved. So seeing a pattern , that proves you aren't hopeless helps.

I might have to try the stickers for myself. because I need to get on the exercise bandwagon and not fall off.

and I would have a reason to buy stickers

I'm flipping among anger, shame, fear, and defensiveness

Ugh. Been there, hate having those simultaneous feelings. Ick.

I have actually just gotten back on the stickers-for-exercise bandwagon! I printed out a couple months of calendar, and taped them to my hallway, and have been using different colored stars to signify different things! Still hasn't gotten me to go to hot yoga, though I keep meaning to and then chickening out, and I didn't manage to work out while I was traveling last week (even though I had clothes with me...when the alarm went off, my brain said "NO"), but I did go to the gym every day this weekend (even if only for 20 minutes yesterday). It's surprisingly satisfying to put the stickers on.

I also do not understand why it is so hard to get up in the morning. I get plenty of sleep, seriously. Which is why Friday I asked for a referral to the sleep clinic--I'm hoping maybe there will be magic answers. Though I kinda fear it either way--either I"ve got something wrong (like apnea, which both my parents have, and lord knows I don't want to lug a CPAP on all my travels!) or I don't (and just have to deal with needing 9-10 hours of sleep a night??)

Ugh, Pix, I feel ya. Literally, with intense dizziness for the last 2 weeks. I kinda forgot to refill my celexa, and it wasn't all that bad for the first 3 days so I thought "ok, i guess it's time to be done with it!" Been trying to get off it for years but every time I go down to every other day (i'm already on the smallest pill available which is teeny tiny itty bitty way to small to try and split with any sucess) i get super dizzy on the off days. Figured it would pass. OMG, it is NOT PASSING. Finally looked into it and "SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome" can last for months. MONTHS??? Of nonstop dizziness and intermittent heart palpitations???? Ok, fine, I have the mail order refill, guess I'll just go back on it indefinitely since this blows.

eta: Meara- i need 9-11 hrs a night. Always have. It's just how i'm wired. I resented it for years as a waste of time, now I just succumb to the inevitability and invested in a really nice mattress. And last time I flew internationally I got chastised by TSA for having a cpap in my carry-on (apparently they are supposed to go in checked luggage?) Wierd, because I don't have a cpap. I think they might have been confused by my snorkel.

Smonster- just to be clear, being consistently late does NOT make you a bad person. It might make you a chronically late person, but that's ok, and shockingly common. My mom is always late to everything. People tell her to be there an hour before anyone else, and sometimes it works out. Ok, one time I was with her so we actually showed up on time and turned out to be an hour early, which was annoying for me because it was a church function and i HATE going to church with her, but other than that it works pretty well. Except that now she knows the trick and is still late, but not AS late, only a few minutes. Can you trick yourself into thinking you need to always be an hour early for work? Sure you'll still know, but it might help with time budgetting. And again: being late isn't a reflection on your worth or inherent awesomeness. It's just time budgetting. Some people can't budget money and some can't budget time (and some both, which still doesn't make them bad people, just poor and late.) If it were really a huge problem someone would have been chiding you about it long ago, every day, likely also with glares.

eta: forgot to mention, everyone in my mom's life *adores* her, whenever she shows up.

Y'all are so awesome. Thank you. No time for proper responses right now, gotta get to work! Flea called, I'm up and dressed and walking Frankie, and I'm on track to leave by 6:15 which should get me there 25 minutes early.

Have a better than expected day, smonster. Also, what they all said.

My laptop ate a long post I had earlier, but I didn't have to to recreate it. Grumble. Hopefully more later.

Pix, I hope you are ok. I really don't like the sound of what you are experiencing and wish there was an easier answer than waiting until the meds come through the mail.

Here 14 minutes early. Of course, it's raining, so who knows how much we'll be able to work today… but it won't be my fault. I'm the first one here. My plan is to get up before flea calls, so I'm not training myself to rely on her phone calls.

Thanks for the reminders about stickers, I've used those before with some good results.

askye, my roommate's bedroom is right next to mine, so I don't think that will work. But thank you for sharing what works for you. It's all good info that gets me thinking.

erin, thank you. I have such a hard time separating my behavior from myself as a person.

I get up very early these days. Before 5am today, but can't trust myself to remember to call, and hate the phone, so thank flea for being able to do that. If I could somehow send waves of coffee aroma, or your favorite wake up smell your way I would surely do so.

I have a question on the Celexa thing. My sister arrived on Saturday to help me with my work overload as she has done for a couple months or so now, but she was a weepy mess of depression. She tells me her insurance company refuses to pay for the brand name, and the generic makes her throw up, and doesn't work, possibly because she can't keep it down. She has gone through this with a number of insurers as her company seems to switch often.

As is often the case with my sister, every single potential solution offered was rejected as impossible. I at least got her to agree to talk to the company's insurance agent as they should have an advocate that can deal with the insurance company on her behalf.

I don't even know what I am asking for. I just don't know how to be there for her. Particularly when she won't do anything to make her lot better, and hasn't for at least 40 years.

I know there was something else, but the drugs the neurologist has me on are not helpful in having working memory. I see him the 15th and hope to cut to at least a half if not try and go without again. Stupid brain.

1. smonster is AWESOME.

That above all needed to be stated.

2. flea is AWESOME.

again, really needs to be stated, because support in a tangible way is moving and thoughtful and more than many of us could do.

3. this community as a whole, AWESOME.

I hope we all realize that there are people here who will help in many different ways. I cannot imagine life without this space and you people.