Ugh. I just got a stern talking to by my boss. Apparently, all of my coworkers are very frustrated with my lack of punctuality. I get it. It sucks. I suck. It's not like an office job where you can just stay late. It affects everyone, especially this last job when we were carpooling. And apparently there are other things, I think I know some of them but we'll see what they say. I've sent an email apologizing and asking for their input.

I'm just so ashamed and frustrated. That I suck so bad with time, that I can't get up (hi, I go to bed earlier than all those bitches every night), that nobody brought these things up with me before taking them to our boss (E did once a year ago). I hate being a person no one can trust. I don't trust myself.

I'm dreading work tomorrow. It's hard to know that your coworkers question whether or not you are fit enough mentally and physically to do your job. They like me, but they don't trust me. And I don't blame them.

I don't even know what I need right now. I have to get ready for tomorrow and I'm a total mess. Maybe I'll give myself an hour to wallow and then get up. Oh, and if anyone can give me a consistent wake up call at 5:30 am Central Time at least for a couple of weeks, you'd have my undying gratitude and possibly some goodies from New Orleans.

If 5:30 am CST is 6:30 am EST, I would be happy to call you. I am always up by then. Email me your digits.

Ugh, smonster, I'm sorry. I can't believe that your boss can give YOU a talking to what with all the flaky shit he pulls. Oh, well, it's different I guess when you're the boss.

I hope your co-workers respond to your request for feedback in a kinder way than running to the boss behind your back.

smonster, I'm sorry. I'm like that too, and it can just be so difficult to try to break the pattern.

flea, it is and insent.

Nora, he did cop to the fact that he's heard some hard truths from my coworkers and his friends and family. But yeah... it's not like HE's figured out how to get places on time. I feel pretty hurt, and the one thing I felt comfortable that I was good at (being the client point person) has been taken away from me on the next job. E is an introvert, and I respect that, but I don't know if there's a faster way to do something or if she thinks I need to spend less time doing x or more doing y if she doesn't tell me. Ugh.

sj, it fucking sucks. I so wish I were the type of person to pop awake and be awake. And that I was better with time. And and and...

{{{{{smonster}}}}} it does. I had both lunch and dinner plans the other day, and I was ridiculously late for both of them. I was always late for work when I worked in retail, unless I somehow managed to get their an hour early. There is no in between with me.

There is no in between with me.

OMG same here.

Okay, time to fold clothes and get stuff together for tomorrow.

Smonster, I know how awful those work conversations can be, but I think all you can do is take the criticism for what it is and move forward. You are doing everything right--my guess is that your coworkers feel awkward about it too and will be gracious about your email and resolve. I know it's hard though, being chronic ADD girl myself. I've gotten a lot better over the years, but it's always a struggle.

In similarly "bad brain!" news, my Pristiq ran out Friday and the mail order refill hasn't arrived. My pharmacy won't give me any to get me through the gap since my prescription has no refills (because the new script went to the mail order place), and I'm on day 2 or 3 of no meds. Having horrible brain zaps and general lack of ability to cope. The refill didn't even ship until Thursday, turns out, so I'm just crossing everything that I can get through work tomorrow and then get the refill in the mail.

smonster, the only solution I have - is rewarding yourself for being early. Not on time, early.

I had more , but it was all about me .

my love to everyone - things have been too rough around here - I hope things smooth out