that really should be enough so that people know I am well taken care of during tough days

I've watched friends be woefully miserable around relatives and significant others sadly often enough that it's not a blanket assurance. Yeah, I gotta suck it up and walk it off because I'm not top of the list to know these things, but that's just it--I don't know these things. My friends could still be isolated and in pain and I could theoretically help, but the way things are is just the way things are. Not gonna stop me worrying, but I do get when it is supposed to stop me saying anything.

(And it is hard to tell, conversely, when people are thinking--why hasn't she been there for me? Doesn't she care? I can't tell when you have space for me and are sad from when you don't have space for me and aren't sad when we're just not communicating deeply, so...)

really there are times when "I'm worried about you. Please keep in touch" is really not helpful. Because it adds to the guilt of dealing with issues related to depression, and I don't always have the energy to keep in touch with everyone.

sj, I hear you. Even friends can be a drain, and their concern, too.

I feel like the onus shouldn't be on the person with depression. "Hey, I know the inside of your brain is like being trapped in a cave right now, and everything is hard for you, and trying to get dressed makes you cry, but YOU need to expend the energy to reassure ME."

Nope.

Yeah, people want to help, but they also don't want your problem to last more than, say, a week. I'm doing better, but getting impatient with pills, rinsing and the squishy diet(Although I have enjoyed the extra ice cream.) Not sure that I'm rinsing well enough. The allergy-like symptoms stopped yesterday.

I feel like the onus shouldn't be on the person with depression. "Hey, I know the inside of your brain is like being trapped in a cave right now, and everything is hard for you, and trying to get dressed makes you cry, but YOU need to expend the energy to reassure ME."

Seriously. A friend of Biyi's actually turned up on our doorstep unannounced a couple of nights ago because Biyi hadn't answered a text message. She was in fact laid up in bed with a tummy bug, and did not need to be entertaining and/or reassuring guests.

I'm doing better, but getting impatient with pills, rinsing and the squishy diet(Although I have enjoyed the extra ice cream.) Not sure that I'm rinsing well enough. The allergy-like symptoms stopped yesterday.

I always worry after dental stuff that I'm not doing all the aftercare stuff properly. I think a general rule of thumb is that, if you're doing it at all, it's pretty much going to be fine.

Tim is having a gum graft procedure Friday, and although the dentist told him that there should be no pain, other than feeling like a pizza burn on the roof of the mouth (that's where the graft is taken from), Tim has taken it as an excuse to stock up on ice cream, jello, and pudding.

Tim is a wise man.

I feel like the onus shouldn't be on the person with depression. "Hey, I know the inside of your brain is like being trapped in a cave right now, and everything is hard for you, and trying to get dressed makes you cry, but YOU need to expend the energy to reassure ME."

TRUE. SO TRUE.

If I didn't answer texts or calls for 24 hours, my sister would show up on my doorstep to make sure I wasn't dead, and that's reassuring. With everyone else, I like knowing that I can virtually disappear for a few days and no one will be mad at me. More than a few days, though, someone needs to check on me.

I am kind-of bad at checking up on friends who've dropped out of sight for a while, though. I'm always in my own fuzzy headspace, anyway, and I never really know who wants to be left alone, and who needs constant contact. Well, some I know need constant contact, but I'm not capable of doing that, so maybe they need better friends than me.

A friend of Biyi's actually turned up on our doorstep unannounced a couple of nights ago because Biyi hadn't answered a text message.

Jesus CHRIST. I figure I just got to get over not being in the know/chosen helpmeet. I didn't earn it, and if that's the biggest problem I have at the time, it's clearly the smaller of the problems on the table.

But that friend does have a bigger problem than feeling isolated in the friendship.

maybe they need better friends than me.

I think you are, at best, looking for the word "different", but might also be looking for the modifier "in addition to" somewhere up in there. No one needs only one sort of friend, do they?

I have a friend who is pretty much family to me, but she has a tendency to BE DRAMATIC about everything with a side of making things all about her reactions and needs. She means well, but when my mom passed away, another friend asked me if there was anything they could do for me, I said "Please cope with Friend X for me, because I cannot manage her grief on top of this."