Both of my cats are now collared. I woke this morning to the rustling and rattling of Nico dragging Malachi's harness into my bedroom. Not his own, mind you, but the smaller one that only fits Malachi.*shakes head* they have such a loving relationship, why would he want me to take Mal outside, in the rain, for walkies? That has never gone well (when i lived in a 3rd floor apt i would occasionally take one of the kitties out for a 'walk', which as all cat people know is really standing in one place for a really long time while they sniff every blade of grass. And maybe run up a tree. Nico hated it, he would just pancake on the ground and refuse to move. Mal loved it and would frequently climb trees and chase after invisible things in the grass. Until an offleash dog mauled my poor kitty who was leashed and couldn't run away. Mal took some serious blood from that dog and I sure as hell didn't apologize to the jerk owner who had their dog offleash coming out of a pet-friendly apt bldg with dozens of animals of all kinds. Anyways, Mal never really enjoyed walkies after that even when i carried him blocks away to a park. Now I have a yard and they just occasionally go out there to eat grass and hoark it back up in a fenced haven that doggies can't get into.

I worry about Nico sometimes and his odd preoccupation with bondage gear.

I miss Nico. And Mal. They are quirky, lovely cats.

I'm also grateful every single time I drop something that Nico isn't here. I fumble a lot of pills. He's thought of often?

Just worked an 11-hour day. It was a midterm day. I hate these. And for extra fun, my classes were assigned to a building way the hell on the other side of campus from both my office and the parking garage, in a room with stairs with no railings.

I feel your pain. I am now at hour 12 of work today and I have probably 6 more to go.

Hil, I really hope you find a workplace that treats you better than the one you've got now.

ND, you are incredible. I wish you a shorter work day than you expect. Do you have any down time coming up?

I think this new guy is a bust. One incident of rambling nonsensical drunk texting? Forgiveable and even a little cute. Another one in less than a week on a work night? Big red flag. I think he has serious insecurity and inferiority issues (this is coming from me, mind you) and I don't think he's addressing them in a productive way. My former therapist once told me to believe people when they tell you who they are; when I asked what his spirit animal was, his first reply was whiskey.

So now I have to shut that down, which won't be fun, and start over. Again. Oh well.

And as I posted on fb, my SAD is kicking in hard core. I feel a deep sadness and an increase in anxiety. The good thing is that I am aware of it and trying to take it easy on myself, doing only the things I need to do. Must order therapy light THIS WEEK.

I'm also smoking a few cigarettes a day, which isn't good. I need to get a better e-cig, one without nicotine, and get back out of this habit.

Odd that I'm such an anxious person, and yet pretty good in a first aid crisis. My coworker busted her lip today on a shelf and I immediately handed her a rag, told her to apply pressure, and guided her to sit down. Took her to urgent care - she got 4 stitches in her lip, an AB script, and a TDAP booster. I could use my work being a little less chaotic, thanks.

Anyway, needed to get that all out in a safe space. Love to alla y'alls, and good night.

hang in there smonster. It is really good you see the red flags and are acting on it. that is brave and sounds like the right thing to do!

ND, I just don't know what to say about 18 hours. I'd be under a table by now.

I think this new guy is a bust. One incident of rambling nonsensical drunk texting? Forgiveable and even a little cute. Another one in less than a week on a work night? Big red flag.

aw man. sorry.

Odd that I'm such an anxious person, and yet pretty good in a first aid crisis.

You are great in a first aid crisis!

Must order therapy light THIS WEEK.

Do eeeeet. Mine is helping, I think. I'm not in as bad of a place mentally as I was before the honeymoon, although I'm also not super great. I'm not at a point where I feel like I need to see the doctor, so I'm just going to keep sticking with the light box and exercise and repairing my gut.

believe people when they tell you who they are

Yes. And while I tend to roll my eyes at men who like to announce that they are sociopaths (true story; I know 2 of these guys, actually, and they're friends with each other, which kind of lessens their "sociopath" cred), because I think if you feel the need to boast that you're a sociopath, (1) you aren't, and (2) you just want attention, of the female-attracted-to-shitheads variety, I still at least believe their underlying message which is "You should stay far away from me." And so I do. Ain't nobody got time for that.

And while I tend to roll my eyes at men who like to announce that they are sociopaths

Gah! People really say that?!

Gah! People really say that?!

Oh, you have no idea. Yes, yes they do. I usually smile at those people and say, "That's nice. I'm going to become vampire witch queen of the universe. Should I put you on the minion list?"

The self-proclaimed sociopaths usually don't know how to respond to that.