I'm angry now that I'm letting this bother me. I'm angry that I'm letting this make me feel shitty about my wedding. I was doing great at letting go of my raaaage at the B&B for screwing us over, and just remembering the good parts, and now this person is using my wedding to make me feel bad for leaving her out of the 3rd-grade slumber party? And it's working.

I'm angry at myself for being so easily manipulated. And angry that a grown-ass adult would be all, "Let me take your one wedding day and use it to make you feel like a terrible person."

Wow, that is dumb and passive aggressive. What everyone else said - I've been sad about not being invited to a wedding but I dealt and got over it.

I'm glad we did it the way we did it, and I thought grown-ass adults would understand that (1) our wedding is not actually ABOUT THEM, and (2) weddings actually have monetary -- and SANITY -- restrictions on them 99% of the time, and therefore 99% of weddings probably can't accomodate the entire fucking world.

I'm glad you did it the way you did it too! 'cause it sounds like an awesome time. Our elopement really was because we did not have the emotional fortitude to deal with everyone's craziness, especially our parents'. I absolutely admire the fortitude of those who are able to handle it!

I'm sorry that this childishness is intruding on you.

Teppy, that's ridiculous. I'm sorry you're dealing with that crap.

Also, what Nora said. I felt like we either had to do 200 or elope. And there was just no way.

And angry that a grown-ass adult would be all, "Let me take your one wedding day and use it to make you feel like a terrible person."

But that's not what he's doing. She's taken your one wedding day and made it ALL ABOUT HER AND HER INSANE EXPECTATIONS. I promise you there is no way you could please this person. If you had invited them, they'd complain about having to give a gift or about the fact that you barely spent any time talking to them at the reception. It's very clear who the terrible person is, and it ain't you.

And angry that a grown-ass adult would be all, "Let me take your one wedding day and use it to make you feel like a terrible person."

But that's not what he's doing. She's taken your one wedding day and made it ALL ABOUT HER AND HER INSANE EXPECTATIONS.

She wanted me to feel like a terrible person. Otherwise she wouldn't have phrased it the way she did, saying "many were LEFT OUT." Like we deliberately decided "Well, we *could* invite these people, but fuck them, let's not invite them, now we will laugh like the evil overlords we are."

It was something along the lines of "When a very important day happens and only a few in the circle go while many were left out."

Some days I'd love to be terribly literal and just say:

"Yes."

I mean, of course it is! We should all be so lucky to be able to invite everyone we like to any social gathering. But we can't, because it's real life, so yes: many were left out. Boo fucking hoo, princess, moving on.

(I still can't believe I once called a cousin and said "What? I'm not invited to your wedding? WHAT??" I was...young and stupid? And at least I'm not young anymore. I'd like to think that if someone had sat me down it would have taken me all of three minutes to get why that was unbearable, even for my overly frank family. And I'd be happy to proxy sit people down so brides and grooms don't have to deal with teh stupid like that.)

I wish I could have been there, sort of. But there is a giant country in the way, right? And etiquette about stuff like that is always such a minefield anyway. Like is the person sending an invite all "Man, we love and miss you," or are they trolling for gifts?(I've gotten both, I think)

Like we deliberately decided "Well, we *could* invite these people, but fuck them, let's not invite them, now we will laugh like the evil overlords we are."

Well, how else are you going to set up the origin story for being arch-nemeses?

I join in the fist shaking.

As a possible distractions (I'm not sure if this has already been shared on the board as I do tons of skimming and skipping these days) - vagina baby shower cakes. Even less work safe than you are probably imagining. [link] (Some have teeth).