Retroactive ~ma, Jilli!

Shingles is very big now.

Hil's above doing the trendy thing with ailments. She's more cutting edge.

If you even think there's a possibility it could be shingles, you really don't want to delay treatment.

You know that Tim's a smart man who made an informed choice. (That's not a question--I know you know). You didn't slip a hood over the most charming guy in the parking lot and roofie him into marrying you. He had a lot of time to decide that even though he hasn't seen everything, the stuff he's seen is so fucking awesome that the less than radically awesome stuff is totally worth it, and that the as yet unexperienced parts are worth it too, whatever the ratio of upcoming awesome:huh did not see that coming is.

He's a rational adult who said he wants to do this long long term. That's some of what the ring was for. It should be a safety blanket for the anti-depressant issues you're about to embark on. Dating rules don't have to say "in (mental or below the neck) sickness and in health" but it's implied with most weddings whether stated or not. It's part of the point.

I know. But I also know I'm asking him to take on a lot. It's stupid little things, like -- I have little interest in eating, and zero fucks to give about actually preparing a meal. Now, this was fine when I lived alone, because I could eat a handful of shredded cheese or just not eat. But Tim comes home from work, and is hungry, and at this time in my life I'm not working, so I certainly have the wherewithal to make dinner. But instead I just have this blank stare when he asks what I want for dinner.

And the problem with this specific scenario is that when it comes to meals, Tim SUCKS. If you ask him what he wants for dinner, he just...spaces out. His brain becomes a shoe, or something. He cannot decide, cannot choose. I don't know if it's an ADD thing, like he's so overloaded at the end of a long workday that his brain can't make one more decision, or if it's just a Tim thing. But he goes into vapor lock if he has to decide what's for dinner.

I've gotten used to just deciding ahead of time and then texting to be sure XYZ is okay. (Although I have told him that if XYZ is *not* okay, then his answer cannot be "no"; it MUST be "no, but I would like ABC.") And 95% of the time -- when I'm not depressed -- that's fine with me. I *like* running things, and I always get to eat what I want.

But I'm having a hard time giving a fuck about dinner now, and Tim comes home, asks what I want, and I stare blankly at him, and he wanders away to take a shower, and 10 p.m. rolls around and we haven't eaten, because I give zero fucks (although I know that I do *need* to eat) and he is physically incapable of deciding.

So I feel really really horribly guilty that my depression is leading to him not eating. But then I get pissed because he is a grown-ass adult, and how in the HELL did he not die of starvation before I moved in and started making sure he had dinner? I KNOW he ate dinner on the regular before I moved in, so at some point in his life, he had to make that decision every night. And then I get pissed because he won't man up and do that for ME.

But I don't say any of that, because it's counterproductive, and then it's 10 p.m. and we haven't eaten yet, and I get pissed and put a potato in the microwave, and he asks all plaintively, "Can *I* have a potato, too?" Because all of a sudden, he can comprehend food.

As you can see, I am a glowing example of mental goddamn health, and it was easier when I lived alone, because I could just eat a handful of cheese, or at least not feel guilty that I wasn't starving my spouse, or not feel angry that a grown-ass adult can't feed *his* spouse.

t edit Whoa, I really feel strongly about this. I should buy a blank notebook and just journal this shit out instead of working it out in-thread.

If you even think there's a possibility it could be shingles, you really don't want to delay treatment.

So far, it's just that I feel kind of crappy and I've got a rash on my neck and behind my ear. The rash isn't blistering, but touching it hurts. I'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow and figure out then if I need to go to a doctor.

I should buy a blank notebook and just journal this shit out instead of working it out in-thread.

Oh, but this way you can bookmark and tag things for easy reference. And we can sit on our virtual porches and nod sagely.

Would it help for you to tell us what you have in stock and for us to tell you what to have for dinner? Depression can be very weird (as I know first hand) so maybe that is the LAST thing you want. But say the word and we can do it. (And I know everybody knows better than to tell you what to have for dinner unasked.)

Teppy, there are days when I am very much in the same boat with you wrt dinner and the associated guilt. writing up a meal plan with TCG at the beginning of the week has helped a little and also the crock pot because my energy is gone at the end of the day and my I don't give a fuck has usually increased.

On the other hand if you hairpats rather than solutions say so. There are all sorts of practical ways to deal with the practical problem. But at the same time the fundamental problem is the depression and maybe what you want is sympathy and generally to know we are on your side rather than suggestions. Just remember that for some of us trying to be problem solvers is our instinctive way to show love.

We have the same dinner basically every night. DH is doing Atkins, so he has a cheap cut of meat and a salad. I have a frozen lean cuisine french bread pizza and a piece of fruit. I have this about five times a week, honestly. When we were eating the same thing, we made up for it by cooking a LOT of whatever and eating it many days. I did a crockpot thing once a week or so and we ate that for a few days. Then he made something which we ate the other days.

When I get depressed I not only hate cooking but the stupid dishes give me anxiety. I don't have a dishwasher so the dishes pile up and in my old place there was only 1 sink and it wasn't very deep and the whole set up kind of sucked.

So I'd eat out. A lot. And feel guilty. And trying to get it under control I decided to cut out the dishes, I switched to paper and plastic (bad for the enviornment, good for my mental health) and ate a lot of quick frozen things. Like this brand of meatballs I found I liked, I'd heat them up and heat up a steamer pouch of veggies or pasta/rice and veggies and eat that.

I did find I was able to bake boneless skinless chicken breasts in the oven without it feeling overwhelming. I did a bunch at once and then kept them in the fridge and ate them with frozen veggies and whatnot.

Maybe you can think about what feels the most overwhelming and cut down to the basics.