Well, I am glad that it was not as awful as it could have been.

Yeah, that.

Steph, i'm really sorry that this is happening to you at a time when you really want to be happy. That sucks incredibly much. It's not fucking fair.

Steph and sj, much ~ma to both of you.

Ain't no one playin' "Sucks more to be me," just "Sometimes shit do suck surely."

So fucking true.

Bad night. Having to drink with new co-workers hasn't helped. I feel like I've failed at every personal relationship I've ever tried to have.

I'm sorry you're having a bad night, Maria.

You have not, but I hope you feel that way soon. Sometimes it's hard to shake.

Maria, I'm sorry you're having a rough night, but I still think you are awesome.

I should not be awake, but my book refused to let me go to bed until I finished it. Mom is going to be here in a few hours, so I should probably go to bed.

I feel like I've failed at every personal relationship I've ever tried to have.

Your invisible friends in the glow box deny this claptrap.

Bad timing that you had to be social and professional with people you don't know at a time when that's the last thing you want to do.

Omigosh, I'm a great aunt! My oldest nephew's wife had her baby this morning. Absolutely beautiful boy child.

(And yes, I am simultaneously full of joy and wonder AND self-loathing and resentment.)

Congrats, WS and family!

I didn't want to subject him to this immediately after he put a ring on it. Bah.

You know that Tim's a smart man who made an informed choice. (That's not a question--I know you know). You didn't slip a hood over the most charming guy in the parking lot and roofie him into marrying you. He had a lot of time to decide that even though he hasn't seen everything, the stuff he's seen is so fucking awesome that the less than radically awesome stuff is totally worth it, and that the as yet unexperienced parts are worth it too, whatever the ratio of upcoming awesome:huh did not see that coming is.

He's a rational adult who said he wants to do this long long term. That's some of what the ring was for. It should be a safety blanket for the anti-depressant issues you're about to embark on. Dating rules don't have to say "in (mental or below the neck) sickness and in health" but it's implied with most weddings whether stated or not. It's part of the point.

The honeymoon is not there to be perfect. It's there to be the both of you and not the real world. Go, leave the real world behind, and take all the sleep meds you need. And when you come back, get good doctors.

t /end of tl/dr that I want you to know, but you don't have to read

I spent a week leaving messages with my sleep docs trying to tell them that I'd hit my acclimation with Lunesta and needed to switch to Ambien, and after 6 days got a call back saying "Sure! Switch to Ambien!" at which point I took a sec to blow a gasket and call back and grit out "PRESCRIBE ME THE FREAKING AMBIEN THEN--WHO SPENDS A WEEK ASKING YOU FOR PERMISSION TO TAKE A MEDICATION THEY'VE TAKEN MULTIPLE TIMES BEFORE AND HAVE ALREADY? NOT THIS PATIENT, FYI."

I spent three weeks trying to get my migraine doctor to write me a script for his pain meds since I couldn't pick it up the normal week during their hours. But despite repeatedly telling them why I couldn't do it when they expected, and asking way way in advance, they still didn't write the script until the day after the last day I could pick it up during their office hours. And the first day they said someone would stay late for me, no office staff was there and the doctor that eventually wandered by couldn't find it. THIS IS FUCKING MONTHLY.

Next week is my appointment with my pain doctor for which I'm preparing a "Do you feel I deserve to have my pain treated?" speech that I am honestly going to type up before I go.

Yay, medical practitioners.