Steph, what we *deserve* from each other is truth, warts and all. We all fall down. Some of us stay down longer than others, and need more help getting up. Some of us need cheerleaders, some of us need a quiet "Doing okay?" and not to draw mass attention. I think we're pretty good at giving what each of us needs. But in order to do that, we need truth. I'm honored you love us enough to be truthful, so we can be present for you.

...aaaand enough woo-woo for today. Sincere woo-woo, but eh. I'm glad you're getting help. Lord knows you've been juggling flaming torches for a good while, now. Time to lay them down for a while.

Aw Steph, don't feel like a failure. I have also tried being off my meds before and it didn't work out so well. Like others have said, there's not much more stressful than planning a wedding and losing a job. You had both at the same time! I'm impressed you're still able to form coherent sentences. I hope you are able to refill your scrip and get on your med quickly.

I can't tell you how much better I feel post-pregnancy this time since I'm on my meds. I didn't go back on after Shane was born - I suffered in silence for 6 months before finally realizing I NEEDED my meds. Now I'm sorry I waited so long as I'm loving having a newborn/infant this time around. Of course, this one sleeps - makes a big difference.

You guys! I'm going to be flying up to Seattle at some point in the coming weeks for an all-day interview! Excited and terrified all at once! Now for the logistics:

• I need DW and baby to join me as baby is on the boob and not taking a bottle. He can't be without me overnight at this point.
• Bring a carseat?
• I'll need to pump twice during the day of my interview. Share this up front?

If only this opportunity had presented itself 6 months down the road... (Massive diamond shoes are too tight moment right there.)

Oh, fuck, how many ways do I not want to open my life to people that I wouldn't invite to dinner. Especially after last year's three-month fucking saga. Like if someone said "You don't have to do these meetings anymore, but you'll probably die at fifty," I'd probably still sign off on it, maybe even with a smile. Because they're starting to be younger than me, in addition to the whole mutant thing, talk about signs of failure!

My totally pulled-from-my-ass scientific opinion is that I've been working so hard to hold it all together that once the big thing is behind me, the whole giant tower of blocks has no choice but to come down at once.

I tried to explain this to my husband. With me, it's often getting through a concert series. You spend a week (or whatever period of time) going "I can't get sick, I can't get sick, I can't get sick"), and then that period of time elapses, and it's like your body suddenly has permission to be sick.

That's me, too! And Steph, here's my breakdown story (one of them): I was so stressed leading up to my wedding (which took place 5 days after Christmas) because my mom was seriously ill, and we were rushing, and I had no idea what I was doing (since I was 21), I got to the CEREMONY and broke down.

I sobbed through the vows, the whole thing, and barely remember any of it, but it was clearly my body/brain's way of saying, "This is the point you were supposed to get to, you're here, we give up."

man, hang in there erika. good grief.

My mother still has not been completely paid from last year's fight...they still owe her 11/62 attendant hours, because she can only bill for six of those hours a month. like if we lost, they would take their money back like that...as if. She will have them all, in'shallah, one full calendar year after our big win. Paul Ryan thinks this is easy? He is welcome to do that instead and I can get pissed off in Congress for no reason while people buy me dinner and put me on TV and kvell.

Billy Joel says it well "You have no scars upon your face and you cannot handle pressure."

Nope. I cannot.

My fucking doctor has not called in the refill for my Ambien, even though I called his office yesterday. They make a big deal of their "24-hour refill" policy, as in, if you call on Monday, it will not be ready until Tuesday. Well, that would be fine and dandy, except it didn't fucking get called in today. If he's not going to refill it, he needs to tell me that over the phone. Because I don't think going cold turkey on a psychoactive drug is a good idea any time, but maybe it's spectacularly bad on one's honeymoon. Bullshit. Fucking fucking goddamn bullshit.

I was planning to make an appointment to see him after the honeymoon to talk about the fact that apparently my depression is bad enough again that I can't handle it on my own, but I don't even know if I want to, now. If he won't refill an Rx but won't *talk* to me about it, I don't want him being responsible for my fucking mental health.

Fuck it. I have wine. Which I am on glass 3 of right now. No washer, no sleep meds, friends with cancer, cannot cope with any fucking thing in my life, have to go on a honeymoon I don't want to deal with, but what the hell. I have booze.

And yes, I am SO aware that, given my family, that's a spectacularly poor coping choice. And right now, I give zero fucks.

Glam, you could search the comments/archives of Corporette (or just ask a new comment), that is right up their alley.

Tep, I just got my Ambien refilled - I am dead serious, if you want me to FedEx a couple to you, or just hang onto them until you get to San Francisco, take 'em with my blessing. I'm using them very sparingly and I've still got a couple of refills left.

erika, I'm sorry. That sucks. I hope you're able to find someone good.

Teppy, I'm sorry you feel that way and your doctor hasn't gotten back to you. Feel better.

Glam, good luck juggling everything for your interview.