So, um, hi. I haven't been around these parts lately, but I need to dump in a safe place where everyone already knows my baggage. I've been asked to talk to a couple about my experiences with PTSD. The wife has emailed me a bunch of questions, and they're all so open-ended and broad and not easily answered. Like, she wants to know how long he'll likely be out of work. I've said, "YMMV" about 30 times in my response email already.

I want to be encouraging. I know I'm a success story. But, how do you tell someone that's just getting started in this journey that it's been my whole adult life...that it never goes away...that you can reach a sort of wellness if you work really hard and are really stubborn and change your expectations. I'd even say I'm happy. But, is my life what I thought? In some ways, yes, but in most ways, no. Will things ever get back to normal? No. You'll have a new normal. And that's not bad, but you're going to need to wake up and smell the coffee if you think there's a chance that things will return to normal.

But I can't say those things.

Val, that's hard. You're a good person to be willing to help them.

Given that I don't have experience with PTSD, I would think that you're right that you can't tell someone at the start of this journey that they have a new normal ahead of them. Right now, that would probably be hard to hear.

I guess -- what kinds of things would have been helpful for you to hear when you were where this man is?

hi vw! nice to see you.

a formal colleague of mine recommended a good book to someone who was have serious struggles (not PTSD, but something else). It was a short fiction novel that she thought would help out a teenager.

do you think you could write back with some general language YMMV but then recommend a short video or book or reference that might be helpful. I suspect that both the husband and the wife don't know what to do and are seeking resources to help them understand what he is going through and how the wife can be helpful. It may be that he and she need different resources to manage this situation. I don't know if AMA has guidelines or not.

I don't really know. And I'm speaking to the wife, so it's hard to speak to her needs, because I haven't been there. So far I have about four pages just answering what helped me. Next up they want to know what didn't help. I suspect that list will be even longer.

Taking a break for the rest of the night. This was more emotionally exhausting than I was expecting.

But, how do you tell someone that's just getting started in this journey that it's been my whole adult life...that it never goes away...that you can reach a sort of wellness if you work really hard and are really stubborn and change your expectations.

I'm sorry to hear that you can't say those things to her, or that she can't hear those things yet (which is what I think you mean) because if I were the one asking you, that's exactly the kind of honest answer I'd want. I'd want to know what I was up against. I am sure she can see that the road ahead is hard.

You are an amazing woman, vw.

because if I were the one asking you, that's exactly the kind of honest answer I'd want. I'd want to know what I was up against.

Yeah, I'm with burrell. It would be hard to hear, but I'd rather hear that. (I initially typed heart that, which I don't think I'd do!). But I could see how other people definitely wouldn't want to hear that.

Lots of hugs for you, vw. It's tough to know the most helpful things to say.

Thanks, guys. It's actually a huge dialectic. I feel privileged to be able to help in this way...not that it gives meaning to what I've been through, but that I may be able to help someone through a little more easily. On the other hand, I get such a heavy heart when I see people in pain. I actually wish I was the only person experiencing this. For some reason that would be easier to me. Knowing that other people have to go through it makes me so sad.

let them know that you are sad - and that you wish you had a map - right at t he beginning. you have and you are surrving it - so that part is possible. They need hope - but by giving them a glimpse of where you are , wont give them false hope.

you've done a bunch askye - good job ( and stupid ducks)

You definitely need some duck bait to get 'em looking elsewhere, askye.