Right now I am thinking I might pack him up and move him in with my brother on the west coast of FL for a while. My brother worked in rehab for decades and has done all that B is doing and more in his youth. He has MS and frankly it would be good for him to have my son around because he falls sometimes.

It could help to have someone reality check him, and to disrupt his regular habits. Do you think he'd stay?

He doesn't honestly get that being tired because you stayed up too late playing games is not an excuse to miss work.

Lord, our former employee has this attitude in spades. Like, full-on Kanye "You should be honored by my lateness/that I would even show up to this fake shit." Hey dummy, we all started at your wages and we ALL got raises within a month. Without asking. If you haven't gotten one, it's because you haven't earned one. Thank goodness he's gone, I just wish it hadn't been with such a spectacular self-injury.

Amy and Laura, I'm so sorry you are both going through this. It is so frustrating watching people you love in a downward spiral and not be able to do anything.

Laura, I think your son living with your brother would be a great idea, if your brother would be up for it. Family, but maybe out of the current reaction loop, plus your son having a sense of responsibility while being there--it could be just the ticket.

Total agreement.

Actually, everything in Calli's post is gold, in my mind.

Laura, I too offer an ear, free of anything other than care for you.

I so feel for you. My wicked-step-sister (the sobriquet might indicate how I feel about her) dealt with very similar issues but with infinitely less logic and wisdom than you are coping.

You are a wonderful mother and I hate that you have this challenge.

Interesting that the military comes up today. CJ has been talking to an Army recruiter at school and has him coming over here this afternoon to talk with me. I have mixed feeling about CJ going into the Army but I'm having a rough time articulating them. He has agreed that he doesn't want to sign anything until he graduates, which is in 2 years. So I'm not really sure of the purpose of the visit with the recruiter.

Help me formulate some questions...please?

"Are you sure?" "You realize that you totally don't get to quit or pick the one with the condos, right?"

Suzi, don't sign anything now. But questions to ask would be what kind of jobs CJ could do that would guarantee growth. In other words, don't go into the military as an enlisted man with no career direction.

When my brother joined the Navy, he knew from the outset he wanted to do languages. So he started off at the language school, learned Farsi, all that, and worked his way up. He's been an officer for a while now, and does specialized intel work. So you want to ask what kind of a path CJ might have that matches his skills and his interests.

Well, yeah, maybe it would be a good fit with his firefighting interests...I just know that when I was a kid I just...you know, got psyched about thing without knowledge(I miss that now, actually, things aren't exciting anymore.)

In other words, don't go into the military as an enlisted man with no career direction.

Totally this.

My DexH was a superstar in the Navy for as long as he could hack it...I've told his court martial story here before...it ended magically well. But, he went in out of desperation, with no clear path...which might have been the problem in the end.

My father and grandfather were in the Navy.

One of the great things about my grandfather was that he got recruited as an athlete and spent the majority of his early career being shipped around the world to run in track and field events. No combat. Because he was an engineer, by the time his track career came to an end, he was able to settle into Mare Island (CA), fixing wiring in docked ships.

In other words, I concur with the 'have a plan' plan.

CJ's background makes him, at a very young age, MUCH more eligible to choose his own path.

Oh! Just thought of another example.

One of the kids on my walk across America endured a truly unstable mom...seriously ill...and, despite being nurtured by an entire community of peaceniks, he chose to go into the military to find the stability he instinctively knew he needed.

He went in as a musician and has enjoyed a fulfilling career and saved himself from a LOT of grief.

Not everyone in our community respected his choice...out of incredibly misguided blindness...but I can't even proud I was of his self-awareness and practicality.

One of my recent weddings was for a 'comptroller' which meant he has a life-long career as an accountant. So smart.

I say all this by virtue of, there are SO MANY jobs within the military.

If I were to counsel someone who isn't sure about where they fit, I'd suggest avoiding the gun-toting portion of the program if that is not your passion and the medical corp.

CJ might actually be great as a field medic but...yikes.

Thanks. He does want to go into emergency services eventually. But so far he hasn't expressed interest in following that into the Army, thinking that any experience is good experience and he will have money for school when he gets out. I'd rather he go to school first and go in as an officer if he absolutely wants to go into the military.

I know too many guys who have gone into the military and come out different people, and not for the better. When I try to discuss this with CJ, I get "but you know me and you know I won't change". Oh honey, it isn't that easy.

KCD was in the Navy and his father was in the Army, so I guess there is a family tradition.

Have a plan. Yep, that is good. Critical.

If combat is the hesitation, than look into another branch, less known for direct contact with the enemy. Firefighting/rescue? Maybe Navy.Serve on an Air Craft Carrier, deal with planes that land a bit too hard? Or, Coast Guard! It's the overlooked branch of the military. Fly in the fun orange helicopters and pluck people out of the drink.