I'm sorry, Steph. You are in an incredibly stressful situation, with multiple stressors on all sides. Be forgiving with yourself.

You guys are awesome. I love you.

Strix, I'll e-mail you later this afternoon. I can certainly afford you (unless your pricing scheme involves eye of newt or unicorn horn), and I'm happy to support a friend's business rather than some random place. I'm going to go run some errands right now while I feel decent, and I'll e-mail you when I get back.

sometimes it's just a matter of gritting your teeth and getting through it.

I think this is seriously where I am. I just need to get started, and then I think my own momentum will keep me going. It's just daunting.

I hope what I am saying helps rather than makes things worse.

Definitely helps. (Except I probably won't become an actor. Or MAYBE I WILL.)

I am looking forward to seeing you in November and giving you a big hug.

I seriously had to think about this for a minute. "Shit, did I get drunk and promise to visit? Would I do that? No, I would do that. But DID I do that?"

And then I remembered! Columbus! November 10!

And also something else.

A PONY?!?

Good luck with the house, Aims! As someone who's also in the middle of move-related stress, you have a ton of sympathy.

((((Steph))))

If I may toss out an idea....

Take a deep breath, then accomplish something. It almost doesn't matter what. Make a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, maybe. Whatever, just break the mental paralysis.

Whatever, just break the mental paralysis.

I'm going to run some errands. Getting out of the house will be good. And I drank the last of the milk.

A PONY?!?

Okay, who told?

Take a deep breath, then accomplish something. It almost doesn't matter what. Make a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, maybe. Whatever, just break the mental paralysis.

I like this idea! That small sense of accomplishment is worth a lot.

Steph, Strix completely re-did mine two years ago. She was working on Rob's when he died.

I've gotten more interviews and compliments on my resume since she took care of it than ever before. She will do good (great!) by you.

And JFC, if *I* can find a job (Because that monologue? Has run through my head for two years), you are super-employable. You know your shit.

Ok, so that award my supervisor nominated me for? I have heard nothing further. In his initial email to me about it, he said to expect an e-vite to the luncheon, and that if for whatever reason I did not get one, he gave me a name and email addy to contact to RSVP by today. On Wednesday, I emailed to ask for more information, heard nothing back. So today, I emailed again, stating that I do plan to attend, and asking for more information. I CC'ed supervisor. The man himself is out of town for training.

Weird.

Steph, I'm sorry your going through this. I think getting help is a good thing. Also, you might want to see if there are any employment counselors in your area. I went to one briefly last year at a women's employment and it was sort of helpful (and free.)

I am convinced -- like, as sure as I know the sun will come up tomorrow -- that I'm unemployable and not qualified for anything, including jobs that are *literally* what I just spent the last 18 years doing. Like anything I do, any place that I might get a job at, I'll have to start all over again like I'm 21 years old and make minimum wage.

Steph, I have been applying for jobs lately and I go through the same thing. I feel like I have a stale, outdated MLIS and I should really go back to school. I go through total insecurity every time I have to explain why I am qualified to do what I know I can do. (For me part of that is from having a shitty work environment which has eroded my confidence. Also my brain sucks.)

Also, you have lots of stresses beside the job thing right now. Give yourself a little break. And do what you can.

Health~ma for your dad, and sanity~ma for you Steph. I think you're a lot more employable than you think you are right now.

Still have not been paid by anybody. The Roomie I'm willing to be patient with a little longer, but I'm really getting upset at the Shakespeare people. They are not returning my phone calls or emails.