Whatever, just break the mental paralysis.

I'm going to run some errands. Getting out of the house will be good. And I drank the last of the milk.

A PONY?!?

Okay, who told?

Take a deep breath, then accomplish something. It almost doesn't matter what. Make a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, maybe. Whatever, just break the mental paralysis.

I like this idea! That small sense of accomplishment is worth a lot.

Steph, Strix completely re-did mine two years ago. She was working on Rob's when he died.

I've gotten more interviews and compliments on my resume since she took care of it than ever before. She will do good (great!) by you.

And JFC, if *I* can find a job (Because that monologue? Has run through my head for two years), you are super-employable. You know your shit.

Ok, so that award my supervisor nominated me for? I have heard nothing further. In his initial email to me about it, he said to expect an e-vite to the luncheon, and that if for whatever reason I did not get one, he gave me a name and email addy to contact to RSVP by today. On Wednesday, I emailed to ask for more information, heard nothing back. So today, I emailed again, stating that I do plan to attend, and asking for more information. I CC'ed supervisor. The man himself is out of town for training.

Weird.

Steph, I'm sorry your going through this. I think getting help is a good thing. Also, you might want to see if there are any employment counselors in your area. I went to one briefly last year at a women's employment and it was sort of helpful (and free.)

I am convinced -- like, as sure as I know the sun will come up tomorrow -- that I'm unemployable and not qualified for anything, including jobs that are *literally* what I just spent the last 18 years doing. Like anything I do, any place that I might get a job at, I'll have to start all over again like I'm 21 years old and make minimum wage.

Steph, I have been applying for jobs lately and I go through the same thing. I feel like I have a stale, outdated MLIS and I should really go back to school. I go through total insecurity every time I have to explain why I am qualified to do what I know I can do. (For me part of that is from having a shitty work environment which has eroded my confidence. Also my brain sucks.)

Also, you have lots of stresses beside the job thing right now. Give yourself a little break. And do what you can.

Health~ma for your dad, and sanity~ma for you Steph. I think you're a lot more employable than you think you are right now.

Still have not been paid by anybody. The Roomie I'm willing to be patient with a little longer, but I'm really getting upset at the Shakespeare people. They are not returning my phone calls or emails.

I keep contemplating what i would do if I lost my job, and all I can here in my head is "works in a call center" not "extremely experienced technical support". So I figure I'm good for nothing than being the annoying voice on the other end of the "Have you considered vinyl siding on your house?"

ISTG, Steph, it's almost like you cut and pasted one of my posts from a couple of years ago. Except for the cardiac and wedding bits. It is huge and scary and no wonder you are stressed. Does breaking tasks down and/or setting a timer work for you?

OMG, Steph, our brains are TWINS.

And you're totally employable.

TJ's has a great one for about $4 a bottle. I used to buy it by the case.

My summer wine is a sparkling rose from TJs. It's a little sweeter than I usually like, but it's a great porch sipping wine. (When the weather and bugs allow me to sit on my porch.)

I know both of these wines.

Steph, contact Strix and get a resume in hand. You performed a complicated, technical job for EIGHTEEN years while dealing with changing priorities and demanding personalities. You are hirable and proven. I get the freakout, I absolutely do. But those voices in your head are wrong.