Oh, Andi, you are such a kind and loving person, and I'm so sorry that you are struggling. I wish I knew what to say or do to help you.

If this is totally unhelpful, please tell me to just butt out. But I wonder, hearing that you've recently gone off your AD, and knowing the troubles you've had with your doctor in the past, if it might be worthwhile to try to find a new doctor, someone who won't talk down to you or try to shame you, and possibly also to try a new medication? I'm only suggesting more medication because I'm worried about your repeated mentions of suicide, and if there is something in your brain chemistry that is making you feel that way -- something that can be fixed -- then I would think that is worth pursuing. I don't want to lose you; none of us do. The world would be a darker place without you in it.

Realizing all the things Hubby and I would never get to do was/is hard. I think that's one reason turning 50 has been such a kick in the head.

{{{{{Andi}}}}} I'm so sorry for what you're going through, but I agree with Kate. A new doctor and different meds may be necessary.

Thanks, but the doctor I had been working with was the one who listened to me about the thyroid stuff but even that was insufficient to get me what I need. I quit going because it is a waste of my resources to keep spending time and money on things that will not get me what I need. And therapy, in any modality, is useless. I have zero interest in learning how to pretend harder that I can have what I want, or that I want what I can have, together with more coping skills for the moment. I have chosen to stop pouring effort into doing things that are not directly related to getting what I want.

If you would find it helpful to have an ear I would be happy to listen via email anytime, not phone because although I love you I don't do phone with anyone!

Andi, I don't know what to say, but I'm thinking of you. Which sounds deeply trite... but I am.

Andi, I'm sorry your fish are dead. I've had dead fish too. It can get better. I hope it does for you, because you are important to me and to many people.

ETA: But mostly, I hope it does for your sake. Because having dead fish sucks. And people shouldn't have to have dead fish.

But mostly, I hope it does for your sake. Because having dead fish sucks. And people shouldn't have to have dead fish.

Yeah, I don't mind my own dead fish, but I'd love to be able to go around with defibrillator paddles to everyone else's dead fish.

ETA: I am the Three Hundred.

Yes, that is very silly. I'm going with it, though.

I tried waxing my legs last week. Ended up with hairless legs and seriously irritated skin. I thought they had healed enough that I could shave today. Turns out, not so much. I just had to sit outside for half an hour, waiting for the bleeding to stop and the blood to dry, before I could come back in and sit on the real furniture again. There are way too many cuts to even think about putting a Band-Aid on each one.

{{{Andi}}} I'm sorry you're struggling and send many warm wishes your way.

I wanted to upload some baby Ford pix to Flickr but my pro acct expired and I don't want to renew. I can't figure out how to delete pix so that I'm under the 200 limit. I want to share the ridiculous adorableness of my new boy!