I'm sitting in the parking lot at my therapist's, chugging coffee and blasting MCR (three guesses what song, because I'm incredibly literal and out of cope), ready to spend the whole time talking about Trump and my fear that we are all so totally fucked.

I'm going to guess that's been a recurring theme for her all week. Though maybe without the MCR.

I feel I need to re-read Nilly's words of solace to us after the horror of the Bush presidency, but my feelings are so much worse this time. I wasn't disgusted by people that voted for Bush. I just didn't agree with them. It is a whole new level of discomfort. And terror.

I see myself in all of PM and Beverly and -t and askye's descriptions, so what does that mean.

I cannot think about Trump today, I have too much work to do. I can't get distracted by the horror and outrage.

I wasn't disgusted by people that voted for Bush. I just didn't agree with them. It is a whole new level of discomfort. And terror.

Exactly.

I see my therapist tomorrow morning, thank heavens. And thanks for the reminder to put MCR on my phone, because I have many times at work that I could use it as an outlet for my emotions so I can focus on work.

Speaking of being pissed off at work… I really suck at biting my tongue. I have an overwhelming need to be understood, to explain myself, and my boss has an overwhelming need to for me to read his mind and do what he wants without asking for explanation or challenging him in any way.

I'm trying to focus on being effective rather than right both at work and at home, but I am a seething ball of rage right now and I know I need to fix my face before my boss gets here because he's going to insist rehashing some shit that doesn't need it. So I better go find some angry music to play before he gets here.

And I am GODDAMN SICK of being manipulated, shut down, and gaslit in every aspect of my life - at work, at home, on the internet. Almost exclusively by men.

And I am GODDAMN SICK of being manipulated, shut down, and gaslit in every aspect of my life - at work, at home, on the internet. Almost exclusively by men.

Oh, man. This sucks.

I'm so sorry, smonster. That's awful.

Yeah, that did not go well. I was snappy and teared up. Now he wants to have yet another offsite meeting about his expectations and how we can work together productively. Um, the first three don't seem to have helped much, please tell me why I should take an hour or two out of my one day off to sit down with him and be frustrated and cry? Especially since I don't get paid for that time and it doesn't seem to help.

Home from the "celebration of life" for Jim. It was steeped in fire fighter tradition, with bagpipes. I did ok until they played Amazing Grace. The service itself was interesting. The speakers were great but the paster delivered a full sermon on who goes to heaven and who goes to hell. Thankfully he didn't go off on you can't go to heaven if you kill yourself but I felt like it was pretty close to that. Very uncomfortable.

Now I'm home alone, having lunch and just decompressing. This evening I'm going to a school orientation with C for the school that he wants his daughter to attend.

Mom took us out for Mexican food tonight, and I am drunk on one margarita.