I don't want that to have been my childhood.

That's probably the hardest thing that I have to deal with, too, and I'm still not anywhere near to coming to terms with it.

Aw, Steph. Much love to you. I know this is really hard.

Yesterday I was fine with FB, but today I can't take it.

Yeah, yesterday I was able to chime in and support friends where they needed it and such, but today I'm about to shut it down and be done.

I mean, I get it intellectually, and I always have. I've always known how fucked up my childhood was. But I've always spun it into stories, like, ha ha, my wacky dysfunctional family, but hey, I'm fine so it's all good!

And that was my big protective mechanism -- I can't undo the past, so let me make it A Story. But I don't think I can do that any more. And if my protective mechanism is gone, I have to face the ugly reality of it.

My brother, who's further along in therapy than I am, says that owning his childhood and putting a name to the trauma has made him able to work with it in a healthy way. And I get that. And I want to reach that point, too. But today it's so unfuckingbelievably ugly and hard.

And -- I am not making this up -- my mother texted me WHILE I WAS IN THERAPY. All I could do was laugh.

Is it crazy to think about skipping real glasses and going straight to lasik?

Get checked out - you never know. Evaluations are typically free.

I feel kinda silly that I just bought new glasses - 3 pairs in fact. One with progressive lenses for daily wear, a pair of sun glassess with progressive lenses, and then a pair for when I'm on the computer with just single focus lenses.

The constant switching between the daily and computer glasses has been frustrating. I would forget to switch and go downstairs with my computer glasses, which are only good for vision 2-3 feet ahead of me. It has only been a month and I was ready to get those glasses chains so I could have each pair dangle around my neck as I wore the other pair. Which....no. So when I had a chance to get a Lasik eval, I took it.

And I took so long composing that post that I totally missed being able to send Teppy some virtual fancy tacos and lots of love. It IS hard work and you are doing it.

Therapy is so hard, you guys. So much harder than I anticipated.

I actually said that to my therapist on Tuesday. She laughed ruefully.

I need new glasses, and I'm pretty sure they're gong to have to be bifocals.

I have bifocals, and you can't really tell by looking at them. But they've done wonders for my headaches.

I'm ok with it, but I am a little boggled: is this middle age? I am not middle-aged, am I? I AM?! How did this happen? This is not my beautiful house!

Bifocals, hairs on your chin, making noises when you stand up--I know.