Note to self: Do not get pissed off about being on salary for the next month. It won't help. The fact that in three weeks you will have one staff member besides yourself to cover all day shifts (thank heaven for reasonably stable overnight staff) is just one of those wacky things. There are people at other houses willing to cross-train And they are hiring. Really. It's gonna be ok.

Do get pissed off about all the morning training sessions scheduled for days you will be working until 11pm, though. Seriously, not enough coffee.

Apparently I can't just stop at my mother's on the way back from somewhere without pissing off all the relatives that I didn't make time for all of them.

Not cool relatives of sj. Not cool at all.

It's only because of ltc. They don't make any pretense of actually wanting to see me or TCG.

We did actually have a lovely day before I got home to annoying Facebook comments. We went to the zoo with vw, her DH, and Stitch. Stitch was an elephant and ltc was a pirate. There were a zillion kids dressed in costumes and carved pumpkins as well as the usual zoo attractions. It was so fun! Then we parted ways and went yo Mom's for pizza because we were nearby. ltc's first pizza!

So I had group therapy to today and thinformation are kind of clicking. Not all of it but I realized some things and it's nothing I hadn't felt before it's just now I was finally able to explain how I felt .... to myself and someone else. It was sad and good. But it's stuff I've felt for a long time and was only recently able to put into coherent words.

Which is this...I feel/have felt defective or broken since I was a kid. I've also felt like a burden on my family and others because of this...maybe more like...if I'm any more different/wrong/challenging it will be too much and I'll be discarded and because of that there are a lot of things and feelings I've hidden away. And there are things I've done or said or expressed interest in to try and have a reason to be more likeable and acceptable. (Not just with family but other people).

And then tonight I was able to not let that overwhelm me and I was able to tell mom something.

E is sleeping over tonight and tomorrow he is going to see his other aunt and grandma. He said he didn't want to and got sad. Mom immediately went into the why do you feel like that line of questioning. He had trouble explaining or having a reason but a kid doesn't have enough experience 5o explain some things. And it was distressing to me and brought back feelings of frustration and anger at the constant questions and the lack of acceptance of my answers.

However after he was in bed I told Mom that maybe instead of asking for a reason she could acknowledge his feelings and that having them but not being able to explain them is ok. He still has to go but he can also feel like that.

She seemed to think that was a good idea. So progress.

Really really not cool relatives of sj.

I hope I didn't overshare.

Sounds like real progress, Askye! and then you were able to put that realization into practice with your mom.

That sounds like excellent progress, Skye. Even of your mom doesn't follow through, it's excellent for you. (You didn't overshare. Please don't stop telling us about your progress!)