Congrats, askye!
Steph, that sucks. But it's great that you're pushing through it. I hope that things get easier as you go along.
Funny thing about black and white. You mix it together and you get gray. And it doesn't matter how much white you try and put back in, you're never gonna get anything but gray.
Lilah ,'Destiny'
Spike's Bitches 48: I Say, We Go Out There, and Kick a Little Demon Ass.
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Calli - Oct 20, 2016 6:45:54 am PDT #27126 of 30002
I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul—Calvin and Hobbs
beekaytee - Oct 20, 2016 6:51:43 am PDT #27127 of 30002
Compassionately intolerant
Good on ya for doing...and sticking with...the work, Steph. If you can avoid thinking about it in mathematical terms like, it might help. "Done" is the most relative term in the English language. Done with some does not equal done with all, and NOT being done does not equal anything, really.
This next thing I'm about to say, is not directed at you, Steph, but rather a general love I have for what I do and how confident 17 years of experience has made me in the truth that it is exactly what I am meant for.
One of the things I love most about my work is when a client comes in saying, "I don't have anything to talk about." Or, 'I hate this!" Especially when they are feeling bad about the process. THAT is when real magic can happen.
In re: it's all about the parents...I get how that can feel frustrating but, how could it _not_ be? In one particular way.
The vast majority of therapy is about assessing the patterns of thought and behavior that do and do not work in your adult life.
Your expectations and assumptions are forged in the very biological necessity of developing past the age when you are most vulnerable. Those e's and a's are absorbed (and I use that term as a matter of fact, since you begin integrating them before you have the cognitive ability to even realize you are learning anything) from your early caregivers and environment.
To my way of thinking, that makes 'it's all about X" neither good nor bad. Simply a matter of, "now what will I do about it."
Zenkitty - Oct 20, 2016 6:56:31 am PDT #27128 of 30002
Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.
Having been basically fine for four days, I'm now on the verge of a weepy meltdown. I've been in crisis mode for weeks and I'm looking at another month before this mess at work is sorted, and I'm already exhausted. I see the shrink today, if she can't do something to help me, I don't think I'm going back. What's the point?
beekaytee - Oct 20, 2016 6:58:38 am PDT #27129 of 30002
Compassionately intolerant
Zen, insent.
Zenkitty - Oct 20, 2016 7:00:26 am PDT #27130 of 30002
Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.
I'm forgetting stuff too. Don't know if that's a side effect of the medication (that doesn't seem to be working) or if it's the stress. Either way, it can't go on. This is affecting my ability to do my job. Never mind live my life.
If I could go away somewhere calm and pleasant for a month, and come home to a reasonable workload and a clean house, I honestly think I'd be okay. I mean, still needing to fix my brain problems (I need dopamine!), but not in crisis mode anymore. Without that reset button, I don't know how to get there from here.
Volans - Oct 20, 2016 7:07:08 am PDT #27131 of 30002
move out and draw fire
"I go in to my therapy appointments thinking I'm going to talk about one thing, and it ALWAYS comes back to our parents."
Haaaa...my therapist broke up with me over this. She (probably rightly) pointed out that until and unless I deal with my issues with my mother I am stuck. I replied that it's just so fucking cliche I can't stand it. She said to call when I felt like embracing that some cliches are cliches for a reason.
IOW, good on you for going to work on it still/again.
Steph L. - Oct 20, 2016 7:10:35 am PDT #27132 of 30002
I look more rad than Lutheranism
I just surprised myself with how much anger I still have over something I thought I dealt with. Like, raaaaaaaaaaaage. I'd like to work through it, though, so...yay therapy?
beekaytee - Oct 20, 2016 7:14:06 am PDT #27133 of 30002
Compassionately intolerant
Few people enjoy super strong emotions, but that is some invaluable information...when you feel like that.
Yay you.
She said to call when I felt like embracing that some cliches are cliches for a reason.
I nearly spluttered my tea reading that!!
"Cliches are generally cliches for a REASON" falls from my lips multiple times in any given week. For serious.
sj - Oct 20, 2016 7:19:25 am PDT #27134 of 30002
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."
I'm sorry, Teppy. It's hard, but good for you for wanting to put in the work. ltc is napping, and I have done the minimal clean up required before my in-laws visit. I think I'm actually feeling well enough today to drive; so, I might go out when they get here.
WindSparrow - Oct 20, 2016 8:48:50 am PDT #27135 of 30002
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
Lots of love for you, Zen. I am sorry you are having such a rough time of it this year between the election and the mess at your work. I hope your psychiatrist can do something useful for you.
Steph, that just sucks. I am glad you saw your therapist today, and I hope your process gets a little easier soon.