Oh yes, Hil, new doctor, stat. That is just not on. I've had doctors do that with asthma drugs and ... nope nope nope-ity nope.

I think I might have to stay with this doctor at least until my rheumatologist appointment in December, if I want to keep getting pain meds. She gave me a post-dated prescription last week that I can fill in a few days, and that will get me almost to the rheumatologist appointment if I take one a day, and will last me until then if I have some days when I don't take one.

Yeah, Hil. I had a doctor do that with my antidepressants. Not acceptable.

Steph,

my first reaction when you said you were breaking all of your electronics was...seriously...is she developing super powers? I may be watching too much superhero TV.

then after all the other posts I wanted to tell you that I take 4 ADs and an anti-anxiety med everyday. They are all low doses and they each help with something the others don't. I need them all to function and sometimes have to double up on one or 2 to counteract something, with full permission from my doctor.

I don't know if it helps to know that. but, without them I'd literally be dead, probably by my own hand. So, better living through better chemistry is my survival skill.

Medication is a difficult and very personal choice, and affects people in so many different ways it's hard to point to a particularly consistent experience. I had never been on brain medication until 2012, when all my things started to go off the rails. So many times I had been in a supportive role with my friends, with depression and anxiety and other things, but I didn't really understand what the full definitions of these conditions were until I started being a valuated for them. And when That got extended to attention deficit, I knew instinctively that something in my brain had been missing.

That thing was dopamine. The educated guess is that my dopamine has always been very low. One day with adderall and I was almost crying because I didn't know there was a way to feel how neurotypical people describe feeling.

I have med for depression, one for anxiety, one for sleep, one for adhd. And one for when things go utterly pear shaped. I went twenty eight years without ever having a brain med to having a suite of them. And I am materially worsened when I don't comply with the regimen.

It can be a harrowing, personal choice. But for me it was not just tunnel-light. It was a train picking me up and whisking me out of the dark.

Whereas I took ADs for a long time starting when I was 25, and they absolutely helped a great deal. But now the side effects are really starting to be bad enough that the beneficial effects aren't worth it. I'm not ruling them out totally, but I'm just not there yet despite how bad I feel.

I'm early for my interview. Trying not to be nervous.

The store manager said he was going to call Monday to officially offer me the job.

Congratulations, askye!

Woot!