I know I'm an asshole, but seriously!

Glam, there is someone being an asshole, but you ain't the one. Creating and defending healthy boundaries for yourself, and advocating for same for people you care about is not assholery.

Steph, my mom used to go to Recovery International [link] meetings to manage her depression and anxiety (she had been hospitalized a couple of times for "nervous breakdowns" and the medications available forty years ago were less than optimal for use while caring for small children). Spoilerfonted so you only have to read the advice if you want it. Mom taught me a couple of the tools she learned there. First thing is, when you feel overwhelmed don't try to make it through the day - you only have to make it through the next minute. Second thing, here are a couple phrases that she used to coach herself through those minutes: 1) Feelings aren't facts. And 2) Move your muscles. So you feel like things are never going to get better? I won't say it is ok to feel that way. There is nothing ok about having so little hope. I have all compassion and sorrow for you that you feel this way. And "feelings aren't facts" does not ask you to pretend you are not feeling what you feel. You can acknowledge that you feel this hopeless and still choose to act in the cause of hope. That's where "move your muscles" comes in. Whether it is physical movement of stretching, walking or other exercise because it will help your body feel better and also cause your brain to release endorphins which will cause your emotions to feel better or moving on work or other tasks you have in front of you to get done, it is about not sitting frozen in fear. To get through the next minute, move your muscles. A third principle is endorsing yourself. Recognize any positive step you take, and praise yourself for it. Here are some things you have done well today - you shared your feelings here with people who love and support you. You are choosing to go to your class tonight. You are making a good decision to not watch the debate tonight. If advice is not what you want, then what I can say is, you have all the support and love and purrs that Harvey and I can shove through the internet for you. It's ok to not be ok.

I do appreciate all that, Andi. Thanks.

If any of it helps, I'm glad.

I found it helpful to store in the back of my mind too. Thanks, WindSparrow.

All best thoughts for you, Steph. You are a good person, and very brave in the face of huge obstacles and events. May you and your therapist figure out how to help you believe that.

Gar, sending you ~ma that everything works out for the best.

why is it that the people you wish were dying to talk to you are never the ones that are?

You know, every time I heard that line, I sang it and punched the air like a badass. Until about 2 months ago. Now every single time it makes me cry. I can't imagine not feeling like this. I don't think things will ever, ever be better.

If it has been better, then it can be better again. This isn't the way things have always been, so it won't be the way things always will be. Your brain chemistry is making this happen, and there are medication and non-medication ways to get it back to the way it was.

ION, speaking of medication, my blood test results came back and showed high trigylicerides, again. The doctor sent me a message, saying I could either improve my diet and exercise five times a week, or I could go on medication. Exercising five times a week is simply not going to happen, and I know my family history, and my triglycerides have been high for a while, so I said I'd go on medication. Note that I've been on Lipitor for years, because of totally screwed up HDLs and LDLs, and that this doctor prescribed me a refill of the Lipitor a week ago. So, I figured that, when she said medication, she meant one of the drugs that's specifically for triglycerides, since all the rest of my lipid number are great. She messages me back, and tells me that she's going to put me on a cholesterol medicine called Lipitor. At the same time, I get a message from CVS, asking me why my doctor is sending in another prescription for Lipitor when she just sent one in last week. New prescription and old prescription were at the same dosage. So I message the doctor back and say that I'm already on Lipitor. She responds as if she totally knew this, and that she meant that she was increasing my dose.

So, in other words, she just prescribed me a medication without even looking at my chart to see what other medications I was already on. I really liked the first doctor I saw at this practice, the one that Steph recommended, but then that doctor left and I got reassigned to this one, and I think this is the last straw, and I'm finding a new doctor. Because, really, that's just negligent. I'm also nearly certain that, even though I've been seeing her for six months, she still hasn't looked up what EDS is. (She'd never heard of it when I first mentioned it.)

Oh yes, Hil, new doctor, stat. That is just not on. I've had doctors do that with asthma drugs and ... nope nope nope-ity nope.

I think I might have to stay with this doctor at least until my rheumatologist appointment in December, if I want to keep getting pain meds. She gave me a post-dated prescription last week that I can fill in a few days, and that will get me almost to the rheumatologist appointment if I take one a day, and will last me until then if I have some days when I don't take one.

Yeah, Hil. I had a doctor do that with my antidepressants. Not acceptable.