I have a dentist appointment at 11:30. I'm already upset. There isn't really anything to do.

I sort if took tapering off klonopin in my own hands and it had been ok. I told my therapist about this but Ive got it in my head he thinks anytime I take it is bad. So I don't even want to take any now to "prove" I don't need it and that's adding stress.

Would it help if you viewed taking Klonopin before the dentist as "proving" you know how to use it as a necessary tool for specific situations? Lots of people who don't have a general anxiety disorder have dental anxiety, so you have nothing to prove here. You'd be making a choice to help yourself get through a known stressor.

Well I took some early this morning when I couldn't sleep and was going to bring some to take when I got here. I cut up one because I really didn't want to take a full miligram. I did ok. Listened to Hamilton soundtrack. Told the hygienist about the PTSD and Asperger's. Her son is on the spectrum.

I have cavities so they will talk about a plan.

She also numbed the heck out of my mouth.

I'm going back next Friday to get cavities filled.

There are also proctoring services at places like Kaplan, but again there is a cost. At my school this would not be up to the instructor to solve on their own- IT and the department admin(me) would be involved and the school would probably pay for a different service. Unless it is IT telling you this, and then they are sort of incompetent!

IT was supposed to have the service set up already, but it's not, so they probably can't pick some other service and get it set up in two days, if they couldn't get the one they were trying to use set up in three months.

I think I got everything worked out. Most students taking the exam on campus at the scheduled time; eleven students taking it earlier in the day in the math department office at various times; two students taking it at their jobs and I'm going to email it to their supervisors, along with a form for their supervisors to sign, saying they didn't cheat; and three who can't do any of those things, so they're falling into the "Cannot come to the exam for unforeseen and reasonable reasons" clause, and we'll just drop this grade for them and average their other grades. And almost no time spent on any of the thousand other things I had to do today, because I had to do all that.

Oh, and now two professors are having an argument about whether professors should be required to use the online homework system for calculus courses, or if it should be the professor's decision whether to have online or paper homework, and they are CCing every single person in the department on every single one of these emails.

I mentioned this elsewhere, but my therapy appointment is next week, and I'm intrigued because one of the therapist's specialties is somatic therapy, which (if I'm understanding correctly) addresses how your brain weasels affect your physical wellness.

And you guys, I have been having migraines so much more frequently than I used to, even if I stop about 70% from really turning into anything other than an annoyance. Plus my IBS flared and then never calmed back down. And there are some other (painful and ridiculous) physical issues that happen from time to time that I'm reasonably sure are stress-related.

So I'm curious to see how that all might shake out. Maybe this horrific cesspool of a year has a silver lining in that it finally got me to go to therapy, and it's a therapist who may be able to help me before my body just falls apart into all its components. (I mean, I'm not super looking forward to the hard emotional work it's going to entail, but it needs to happen. God damn it.) (My brother told me the other day, "Every week I go to therapy intending to talk about one thing, and every goddamn time it ends up being about Mom and Dad!" I legit do NOT want to deal with that shit any more. Which I'm pretty sure means that I need do. Dangit.)

....anyway.

THAT was a powerful thread killer, huh? Woo, go me and my self-absorption!

Steph, I am sorry I didn't respond sooner. It really does sound promising that your new therapist deals with the mind-body connection. I hope the hard work you do produces better mental and physical health for you.

That's kind, Andi, but I wasn't fishing for validation (but thank you, truly). I really am sorry my self-absorption killed the thread. Everyone has heard more than enough of my whining. And now I'll have a therapist to whine to, which is a more appropriate outlet than the continual woe-is-me routine I've got going here.