Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm glad you have your own space to feel how you're feeling. Maybe you can reward yourself tonight with something fun/delicious/both?

Steph I understand. Be kind to yourself.

So as far as I know there is no major properate damage to any of my family's homes or cars. Power outages which for dad means no water but everyone is ok.

Well we don't know about the beach cottage.

I'm surviving the doctors appointment. No ear infection. It may be tooth related but my mouth looked ok. Might be a virus.

Also I made the mistake of eating l. I wasn't going to but I blanked. I have to come back and get screened for diabetes. If it's not that I have neuropathy fir no known reason.

This feeds into my anxiety and fears and also makes me feel irresponsible and other negative things.

I just need everything to stop. To be clear, I don't mean my life, or anything. I just need all the ridiculous bullshit to stop, because I can't take one more thing. I'm trying to fix a work problem that I didn't even cause. I don't KNOW how to fix it because I'm not the one who broke it.

Oh my god, I'm doing so badly today. I can't be like this. I'm trying SO hard to not be like this around Tim, because he is having a hard enough time dealing with all of his health stuff. He's really stressed and worried (understandably so), and I cannot add my bullshit on top of that. That is incredibly unfair to ask him to deal with my bullshit when he already has too much to cope with.

So I don't know what to do with all this. But it's not good. It's very bad.

Can you take a work break (after the current problem is fixed)? Even just a day where you can de-stress and do calming things?

I can, but right now I feel like nothing is going to help. I also get that my feelings aren't rational, but they're driving the bus right now, so I really feel like nothing is going to help and nothing is ever going to be better. It's so bad today.

Do you have any luck with just huddling under a blanket and letting the feelings run, not fighting them but letting them exhaust themselves? Or does that just make things worse?

I thought about going back to bed, and it sounds so unappealing. I mean, what is that? That reaction is proof that wires are definitely crossed in my brain.

I'm going to eat lunch and see if that helps.

Sending love, Steph. I've been where you are and it truly sucks.