Tons of ~ma for Tim.

I'm in the waiting room of the new therapist filling out forms.

Did I say -- I honestly can't remember -- his rheumatologist thinks that the intermittent discomfort Tim is having in his chest is not IN his lungs; he thinks it's costochondritis (inflammation of the cartilage that connects the ribs to the sternum). Apparently that's not uncommon among patients with RA, because RA is an inflammatory disease, and the inflammation can affect body parts other than the joints. That would be the best of all possible outcomes. It's just an annoying inflammation and causes discomfort, but it's not dangerous or life-threatening or anything.

And it generally goes away on its own, but for Tim, until the RA treatment starts to work (and therefore reduces inflammation), the costochondritis -- if that's what it is -- won't improve.

But he FINALLY starts his Humira treatment this week, so hopefully within the next month or so he may start to see some improvement. God, I hope so.

~ma in abundance for Tim and Teppy. I get Tim's frustration with the prodding and testing, but it is really good to have that base line, and reassurance that all is well.

Also ~ma for sj. I hope the new therapist is a good fit and helpful.

Doctor~ma and calm~ma all 'round!

He's mostly annoyed that the tests are so expensive because he thinks the results will be normal and then we paid all that money for nothing. I told him that peace of mind isn't nothing, AND it's also a good idea to have baseline test results to use as a comparison in the future.

Steph, you tell Tim I said you're right, so there.

Uhhh, ugh. I could use a little doctor~ma and motivation~ma myself. I heard back from my doctor's office about the psychiatrist referral. I've actually had the referral already since mid-June. I've been waiting on them to call me, which, they won't. All the other referrals I've gotten thru UVA, the doctor's office has scheduled the visit and called me to confirm date/time. For the psychiatry visit, apparently, I have to call them. This is... not optimal. So today I need to buckle up and call yet another psychiatrist's office for an appointment that I don't really want to get meds I don't really want to take. I know I need to, but I absolutely don't believe it will do me any good, and I fear another round of side effects and not being believed about them.

I'm sorry, guys, I know I'm boring, blathering on about this. Lots of people have much worse problems and I should be grateful for all the good I do have. I am! I'm just sick of being sick, and sick of what I have to do to try (in vain) not to be sick. But I can't just give up, can I? I mean, I can, I can settle for just being a depressed person, half-living my life, the devil I know. That's what I've been doing for years and years. I want it to be different, but I despair that it ever can be.

Doctor-ma to everyone.

Zen, can you maybe view it as not such a big thing? You don't have to solve all of your problems with this one phone call. You just have to call someone and pick a time. I know it's easy to pile things up until they become scary and giant and significant, but it's just a phone call.

Plus, maybe no one will pick up and you can leave a message!

I know, it's just a phone call. I called, left a message. We'll see what happens. Maybe I should take up my distrust of psychiatrists with my hypothetical new psychiatrist.

Much test~ma for Tim. I've had costochondritis, and it's not fun. I hope everything comes back well, and Tim can start treatment soon.

Phone~ma, Zenkitty.

Plus, maybe no one will pick up and you can leave a message!

Woo! Dana sent the no~answer~ma! Well done.

Why doesn't everyone do email?

Alas, unlike most introverts, I wanted someone to answer! But maybe they'll call me back soon.