Uhhh, ugh. I could use a little doctor~ma and motivation~ma myself. I heard back from my doctor's office about the psychiatrist referral. I've actually had the referral already since mid-June. I've been waiting on them to call me, which, they won't. All the other referrals I've gotten thru UVA, the doctor's office has scheduled the visit and called me to confirm date/time. For the psychiatry visit, apparently, I have to call them. This is... not optimal. So today I need to buckle up and call yet another psychiatrist's office for an appointment that I don't really want to get meds I don't really want to take. I know I need to, but I absolutely don't believe it will do me any good, and I fear another round of side effects and not being believed about them.

I'm sorry, guys, I know I'm boring, blathering on about this. Lots of people have much worse problems and I should be grateful for all the good I do have. I am! I'm just sick of being sick, and sick of what I have to do to try (in vain) not to be sick. But I can't just give up, can I? I mean, I can, I can settle for just being a depressed person, half-living my life, the devil I know. That's what I've been doing for years and years. I want it to be different, but I despair that it ever can be.

Doctor-ma to everyone.

Zen, can you maybe view it as not such a big thing? You don't have to solve all of your problems with this one phone call. You just have to call someone and pick a time. I know it's easy to pile things up until they become scary and giant and significant, but it's just a phone call.

Plus, maybe no one will pick up and you can leave a message!

I know, it's just a phone call. I called, left a message. We'll see what happens. Maybe I should take up my distrust of psychiatrists with my hypothetical new psychiatrist.

Much test~ma for Tim. I've had costochondritis, and it's not fun. I hope everything comes back well, and Tim can start treatment soon.

Phone~ma, Zenkitty.

Plus, maybe no one will pick up and you can leave a message!

Woo! Dana sent the no~answer~ma! Well done.

Why doesn't everyone do email?

Alas, unlike most introverts, I wanted someone to answer! But maybe they'll call me back soon.

The appointment went okay. She's not a big fan of long term antidepressants, but she was a really good listenener, and that should help, I think.

I hope you can find a psychiastrist you trust Zen.

Also sj I hope the therapist works out.

Medical~ma for everyone, and hugs/hairpats/knowing looks for those who want them.

I'm having anxiety over taking Peanut down to the Exploratorium, which is just ridiculous. The walk isn't any longer than the walks we've taken down to the farmers market, the museum itself is kid-friendly by its nature, and she's in good health & spirits. It's just my brain being dumb because we've never been there before. STOP IT, BRAIN.

Did I say -- I honestly can't remember -- his rheumatologist thinks that the intermittent discomfort Tim is having in his chest is not IN his lungs; he thinks it's costochondritis (inflammation of the cartilage that connects the ribs to the sternum).

I hope that's what it is. Though I suspect I've got it going on right now (there's nothing else that seems to be causing it and I've been through the medical three ring circus this summer) and it's hella frustrating.