ltc finally gave in and went to sleep. I did not nap but instead made 4 onerous phone calls, and as I was typing this someone finally got back to me about serving wine and beer on Sunday! Yay, because otherwise I was going to have to buy a flask to smuggle in.

Grocery shopping had to be done, the same products every time. No deviation.

I'm okay with no deviation; I just think if the 21st-century glory of ordering online and paying a fee to let some golden god pick your groceries for you, bag them, and load them into your car, well, that's something we should take advantage of. It will lighten the load just a bit.

(I promise you this: it WILL happen. We [bros and SiLs] just need to discuss it. In fact, Jack doesn't need to be a part of the discussion, because he doesn't even go to the grocery store himself any more with Tim, and he hasn't for over a year. So he wouldn't know if we shopped or if we just let some nice Kroger employee load pre-selected bags into our trunk.)

This fucking year. I'm just worn out from worrying because I can't fix things and I can't just make things happen.

As others have said to me, it hurts to see other people learning this frustration.

Oh, it's always been one of my greatest frustrations (my Theory of Mind is also kind of crappy for an adult, so that doesn't help) -- I'm practical and wish I could just FIX things, with my own hands. But I can't, and that frustrates me.

It's just that this year is a concentrated stream of Ha Ha Here Is More Shit You Can't Fix But Can Only Endure Enjoy 2016 Sucker. It's annoying when it's just one particular circumstance I can't fix, but it's basically impossible for me to cope when it's one fucking thing after another.

I'm sorry, Tep. I would really like the universe to cut you some slack.

I think the negotiating and dealing with getting everyone on the same page (or at least in the same book) would be the toughest part.

I really appreciate you guys listening to me, as always. Nothing stays shitty forever, and I know that. Though this year is going for a record, I suspect.

And I sat and listed the good things that have happened this year, because there have been many, to remind me that it isn't an unrelenting black hole of awful. There is good stuff. I just want to tip the balance back toward more good than bad. We'll get there.

I have painkillers. I honestly have no idea if I'll be able to get another prescription when this one runs out in a month, but I have them for now.

I hope they help quickly, Hil. I'm sorry this has continued to be so difficult.

TCG just gave ltc milk from a sippy cup. I think I could get used to this.

Today is not starting well. ltc's pediatric urologist is leaving the state and there are no other pediatric urologists in the area. So it looks like our choices will be either Boston or Providence. I love the doctor that is leaving.

Butter chicken for lunch. This is really good. Never had it before.