To quote my former therapist: the email was only about work you did last week, don't treat it as a referendum on ALL of your work. If you do that, it makes it impossible to get criticism without it destroying you, and since we are all fallible beings, you are going to guarantee yourself many moments of destruction. Work to see the criticism as only about the things it references and don't expand it to encompass everything.
I say this as someone who does this very thing ALL THE FUCKING TIME and has to fight it every time. I'm a bit better than I used to be, but I still have the initial "I suck at life" response at first whenever I get any criticism. I can now regain equilibrium faster. Knowing that the reaction is outsized for the actual stimulus helps me recover--I hope it does the same for you.
What they said, Steph. It was one week's work during a really shitty week. No one's on their A game all the time.
I saw a great thing on Tumblr the other day - when I start saying bad things to myself, I imagine Donald Trump saying them to me, because then it's easy to tell him to fuck off. "Oh, I'M bad at life? Look who's talking, Mr. Sexist McRacism with your multiple multimillion-dollar bankruptcies!"
I still have the initial "I suck at life" response at first whenever I get any criticism.
I've actually gotten much better at looking at her feedback and thinking, hey, only 8 pages of a 32-page document had noteworthy corrections, and even some of those were subjective. I swear I've gotten better on that.
But an email with a straightforward message of man, your work last week was lousy -- that's harder to take.
And I don't think my lousy work is what also makes me suck at the rest of my life; I'm really just failing so hard at being a supportive wife with Tim's RA because I'm so busy having my own panic reaction but trying to hide it because he doesn't need to deal with my panic on top of his *own* reaction to his own chronic disease. Not to mention I keep blowing off my friends because I'm just stressed to the point of implosion. I'm pretty much failing on all fronts other than, you know, continued cell division and breathing.
failing so hard at being a supportive wife with Tim's RA because I'm so busy having my own panic reaction but trying to hide it because he doesn't need to deal with my panic on top of his *own* reaction to his own chronic disease.
No.
You are there for him, you're going to be there for him, you hold his hand (or whatever) when it gets hard and you advocate for him to get the treatment he needs. In no rational worldview are you expected to not be touched by your own worry.
I'm pretty much failing on all fronts other than, you know, continued cell division and breathing.
You're not failing at being a supportive wife, because you are trying to avoid adding to Tim's stress. If you were constantly telling him how much his medical situation sucked for *you*, that would be unsupportive. (If that's a word.)
Your friends will understand that your life is incredibly stressful right now. If they don't, then they're crappy friends.
Sending lots of support, Steph. You've had a rough year. You're not failing, even though it feels that way sometimes.
Seriously - there has been a lot of shit in you life on the last 6 months
you just figure this out
so now it is htting you
we got you back - so does Tim - so do your other friends
Tep, as I tell myself all the goddamn time, you can only do what you can do, and sometimes that isn't very much, or what you think of as enough. That is a thing that happens and not really your fault. You really do have to take your own oxygen mask first.
Lots of support, Steph. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
