sj, the book has been enjoyed, which is its purpose, and the hope of the person who gifted it. It is used, and at least today it is loved, which is all any book, or any gift, can ask for. It will be looked at again, and again, and loved some more, and if it's sufficiently interesting, may even be read by ltc at some point, and will linger as familiar and comforting memory well into her childhood, before it's overlaid with more recent and vivid memories. Even then, it's laying the foundation for finding joy and comfort in her belongings.

It is the furthest thing from ruined.

Oh Zen. And Emily. It's. Well, yes. And I admire both of you so much, for not only finding and assembling the words to articulate what you're going through, but for having the guts to share them. The first is so hard, and the second, I figure what's the point, it's distressing to those who don't share the experience, and isn't likely to make anything better.

Of course, sharing can lighten the load, by whatever degree. And others' experience and advice can be helpful, even enlightening, even inspirational. But believing that is so, so hard. So I'm glad you did, and put the words together and hit 'post'.

It is the furthest thing from ruined.

Bev, I love you so much.

Hugs, ~ma, and gentle fistbumps all around.

Thanks, Beverly. She was very unhappy with me when I took the chewed up book away from her.

I wonder this too. And even more often, am I depressed and does that make it hard

Yes!! I was amused/disturbed a couple years ago when we had a big party for my dad's 70th birthday and his relatives came, and we're discussing medical issues that may or may not be hereditary, and they were like "well, and there's the (mylastname) laziness. That's for sure..."

I'm crying watching the DB Cooper episode of Leverage.

Peter/Nate: Every day, I go and chase bad guys... some really bad. And pretty soon, you start to see everyone like that. It's easier that way. You know, you could... you could be like that, too. You wouldn't lose as many bikes.

Todd: But I won't find any lost dogs.

Peter/Nate: That's right. (sighs) It's not a weakness to see the good in people, all right? It's not a... a flaw or a bad thing to... to trust. Do you want to know the truth, Todd? You're the best guy I know.

I don't know why it always hits me right in the feels. Just this kid being so good-hearted that he gives up his bike to help animals.

Thanks everybody. I think I'm lazy AND I have brain chemistry issues. Where's the line? Iunno.

I am lazy, depressed, and have fatigue issues that I've never been able to fully solve.

In funnier news, I was just watching ltc on the baby monitor sitting up and playing in her crib when suddenly she must have decided she really was tired, leaned forward and fell asleep with her legs still underneath her. It did not look comfortable, but it was funny.

sj you aren't a bad parent. Kids chew books. I'm pretty sure that's the big reason board books were made. Okay they may say it's so the pages don't get torn but kids chew on stuff.

(not that I'm an expert on kids, mostly I've had cats chew on things. Penny keeps gnawing on the corner of my phone).

Zen, I wish I had some advice so you could kill the prison-bear, skin it, and wear it's pelt while doing a victory - fuck prison-bear I'm free dance. But I don't have anything.

I kind of like the idea of Prince's death causing a backward time..thingy.

Saw my therapist last week and he was all "you are doing better" and I promptly felt worse. Well it's not so much that just coming to some realizations. I haven't changed but my perception of myself has changed and it's kind of daunting. I had this thing in my head but when I go to write it down it doesn't sound right. I like the bear-prison image.

People with chronic health problems should have a Person Who Deals With Doctors and Insurance Crap. Like a therapy dog crossed with a personal assistant because it a full time job just dealing with all the emotions, or lack of emotions, or the prison-bear smothering you AND the life things that are expected AND the doctor/insurance shit.

I have this fantasy that maybe as country we should agree to not make health care paperwork/appointments/etc such a daunting mountain of crap so that the sick and their caregivers can just focus on the patient's health. Yeah, as if!