The "Why aren't you fucking visiting us every fucking day of the fucking week why don't you have time for us" shit has begun, HURRAH.
Ugh. I struggle with this, myself. I can't figure out where the line between "OMG you are asking too much" (like when she wants and guilts my sister about driving 30 minutes up to watch a basketball game with them, and my sister is all "I have to work in the morning, and I don't actually care about this team WTF") and "I am an ungrateful daughter who should be forced to go live on an ice floe somewhere" (When I'm all "but I don't wanna hang out with them on Christmas!"), and I know that the line is definitely shaded by my feelings of returning adolescent angst and "WHYYY" and "DONT WANNA" when I am dealing with my mom. I can never decide if I'm enforcing healthy boundaries, or being a brat. (This is not to say you are being a brat, just it's something I struggle with even in a somewhat more healthy relationship than yours usually is!)
So things are complicated with Phosphate Girl because of distance and other reasons but I have to share this because it is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me, regarding a concert we went to last year:
Her: you held my hand to take me through the crowd.
Me: I did not want you to get lost.
Me: Also I wanted to hold your hand.
Her: Uh huh
Her: I did not want to get lost
Her: and I didn't know I wanted you to hold my hand until you did.
That's pretty damn adorable.
P-C, that is sweet.
quester, I can see how that would be kind of unsettling.
At the airport, going to the beach. This vacation brought to me by the baby boomer generation: still paying for shit because the kids can't. Why yes, I've got some guilt and shame around that. But not enough to stay in NOLA all summer without a break.
Even if this doesn't work out, at least somewhere deep in my psyche will have to reside the proof that it is, in fact, possible for a girl to like me. Like, in that romantic comedy way where she doesn't even know it and isn't sure if I like her too and when she makes a list of characteristics she's looking for in a guy and her friend suggests me she says I'm the best but she doesn't know, she thinks we're just friends.
This is all so weird and new.
Very sweet, P-C
Also very sweet are Pix, ND, cousin Chloe, and the animal contingent. They put us up last night and I wish we all had time for more of a visit. Thanks again. My buddy K is still a bit amazed at my b.org friends. I'll have to loan her Allyson's book when we get home.
