Getting out of the house is supposed to be good for my depression, but it's bad for my anxiety. My brain hates itself.

I've discovered that I'm afraid to leave the house after dark, which makes errands after work difficult in the winter. Activities that barely register in summer make me very anxious in the dark. I know it has to do with losing Hubby, I guess he was more my security blanket than I realized. It should get better, now I know what's going on and can reassure the inner frightened person that we can deal with the monsters out there (I don't tell her there are no monsters, she knows better).

I think I forgot my ADs the last couple of days. Possibly why I'm feeling so stressed. I need to start setting alarms to remind me to take care of myself in between taking care of the baby.

I was so busy taking meds to control the IC Flare/UTI I forgot to take my regular meds.

Connie I'm glad you figured out what was going on and I hope that it helps you so you can do things after dark.

I feel you, Zen. Getting to my Tai Chi class is a source of stress and anxiety for me, too, but I like it once I'm there (when it isn't inexplicably cancelled with no notice to me, anyway. Fingers crossed people are there tonight!) and I really like the teacher and have tried enough other classes to know that the distance and inconvenient time are worth it to me. As it is, I can never make the Tuesday and Thursday practices, and I'll miss the Saturday practices whenever I have a race or something that overlaps the time. Unfortunate.

Enjoy the time out with your friend, anyway!

Tai Chi was okay, made exciting by the tornado watch sirens that kept going off while we were trying to focus on moving carefully and slowly. But all was well and there was a lovely double rainbow when we left the studio. My friend and I went for coffee and yakked for a couple hours, so that was worth going out for.

Did the ADs, when you were on them, help with the anxiety at all, or is it coming from a completely different part of your brain that just points and laughs at the ADs until they run away crying?

The ADs helped with the anxiety at first, but after a year or so, I felt they weren't really working anymore. I'm doing okay without them so far. I'm learning ways to manage.

It should get better, now I know what's going on and can reassure the inner frightened person that we can deal with the monsters out there

I believe it will get better, Connie. I hope it does. It did for me. Honestly, I learned more about how to handle my anxiety from Buffistas than I ever did from my therapists. So you're in good company, anyway!

sj and askye, take your meds! Says the person who isn't taking hers.

I like it once I'm there

Eh. I'm not really enjoying it, but it's probably good for me, anyway. I think I might enjoy something more that moved faster, odd for a person as slothful as me. I find this more frustrating than soothing.

I'm in bed at 9 because I have run out of spoons. I'm hoping ltc doesn't decide now would be an awesome time to wake up demanding food.

I like the meditative aspect of Tai Chi, and I like the softness of the movement, but I get how it might not work for everyone

I will probably like Tai Chi when I'm better at it! Right now I feel like a clumsy hippo. My own awkwardness is annoying me.

That is hard to let go of. I always find myself approaching it like a dance class where I have to get the steps right and that's not really the point. I feel more fluid when we're doing things i haven't learned at all and I just focus on shifting my weight and turning like everyone else is doing and don't bother with the hand movements at all. Anyway, good class tonight, confirmed that last week was cancelled and I should have gotten an email, so I will have to check all my spam filters (since I am not sure which email he has) to fix that so I get future notifications.

BTW, what I am learning now is some animal-based qigong and while there is not a hippo there is a Bear and I like it because the lumbering feel comes very naturally to me. We're doing Monkey now and it's more agile and quick, which is more challenging for me.

animal-based qigong

ooh, that sounds interesting! I could channel an animal.