I'm in bed at 9 because I have run out of spoons. I'm hoping ltc doesn't decide now would be an awesome time to wake up demanding food.

I like the meditative aspect of Tai Chi, and I like the softness of the movement, but I get how it might not work for everyone

I will probably like Tai Chi when I'm better at it! Right now I feel like a clumsy hippo. My own awkwardness is annoying me.

That is hard to let go of. I always find myself approaching it like a dance class where I have to get the steps right and that's not really the point. I feel more fluid when we're doing things i haven't learned at all and I just focus on shifting my weight and turning like everyone else is doing and don't bother with the hand movements at all. Anyway, good class tonight, confirmed that last week was cancelled and I should have gotten an email, so I will have to check all my spam filters (since I am not sure which email he has) to fix that so I get future notifications.

BTW, what I am learning now is some animal-based qigong and while there is not a hippo there is a Bear and I like it because the lumbering feel comes very naturally to me. We're doing Monkey now and it's more agile and quick, which is more challenging for me.

animal-based qigong

ooh, that sounds interesting! I could channel an animal.

Yeah, you're right, now that I think of it a lot of the qigong has animal-based names, like "phoenix rising from its ashes" and "stork spreads wings"

I did some of that sort of quigong a couple of years ago, and I really liked it. It was something I had to give up when I lost my last job. Perhaps I should see about picking it up again.

In a way, the qigong feels more like exercise and the Tai Chi feels more like dance, but what works best for me is to think of both of them as meditation, if that makes sense.

That makes a lot of sense. In fact, I should remind myself of that frequently, I think it would improve my mental state.

I just...I missed a payment on the one credit card I dont' think I've ever missed a payment on and they decreased my credit limit. Which means I can't use it like a crutch I have been but it freaked me out at first becuase I thought there were unauthorized purchases.

And I realized I am in a financial mess and I need to get it fixed as best as possible. I need a job but I also need to stop getting sick , getting IC flares and anxiety attacks. I mean life would be fine then.

On the other hand I really like the new therapist, he's taking time to get to know me - I had a take home "test" (not realy a test an evaulation thingy) and it's not like - hey in 3 weeks we're going to start something specific. He's recommending a trauma support group that combines a workbook, mindfullness, skills, and talk therapy. It meets on Saturdays which is odd but also convenient.

Did not mean to post about my health stuff again. Feel like that is all I talk about.