Sending you lots of love and strength, Laura. I am glad that the possibility of an underlying disorder is on your radar even if you aren't sure yet how to get him to seek help. Maybe your psychiatrist friend has some recs for support groups for you?

The social worker called me. He had money so he told them he would catch a bus. I'll likely see him at some point.

He knows and accepts that he is depressed, but we have never managed to get him to do anything about it. He only ends up in the delusional place if he is stupid enough to take hallucinogens. He knows better, and yet he is at this party or whatever and... His depression manifests in lack of self care, insomnia, and feeling of failure and that sort of stuff. He is absurdly smart and researches it and so forth, but doesn't act on his findings.

When he shows up I'll go over his options, again. See what happens. Right now I like his cousin's ranch. Horses, chickens, lots of farm chores and stuff. Early to bed, early to rise and lots of physical labor. The wife is an RN and they have a 20 something son. Dad and son work full time on ranch chores. They are right wing political, which will result in massive debates, but I think that will be okay.

Who knows. Now I have to wait until I see him or hear from him since he destroyed his phone.

Thank you for all the love and support. Obviously I can't talk about it a lot of places.

He texted me from his roommate's phone. He took the bus to their apartment. Says he will be in touch via FB messenger since he doesn't have his phone anymore. Says he is better than okay and feeling very positive. Says he will come to work tomorrow. Who knows, maybe the people at the recovery place were able to advise him well. We'll see.

I have so much gray hair at this point that I stopped coloring and am letting it grow out. (wasn't worth it when only a few) I earned these grays.

You damn well did earn 'em, might as well flaunt 'em.

I have no advice, not that you need any, but lots of empathy. I work with kiddoes like your son all the damn time, and I will say that although many of them stay stuck there a long while, there are definitely ones who have come out of the shadows to lead productive, healthy lives. My worst one, probably, is just landed a full-time job and has taken over custody of his two kids and is now their sole provider. He goes for lots of runs, has challenges avoiding/dealing with old friends, and still pines over losses he incurred while under the influence, but he's fully adulted and is doing great now. Your son absolutely can get to that point, but it's going to take a dang lot of work, and a lot of desire from him to get it done.

Every grey hard-won, Laura.

That is a fact.

The farm sounds like a gift from the cosmos. I hope he sees the value in that option.

My mom always says you can"t want for them. He has to want more for himself. And he will. Exhausted and finally shutting down for the night. If you hear loud rumbling noises from the southeast it is me snoring.

Lots of love and strength headed you way Laura, rest well

I'm sorry. I have seen a lot of people pull it together eventually.

My brother eventually ended up hospitalized for alcohol-induced psychosis. He thought the CIA was trying to break in and kill his kids. And this was AFTER his wife had taken the kids and left him and after a family intervention which resulted in him walking out of rehab.

On his own time, he quit. Been over 15 years now and he is happily remarried, he's mended his relationships with his kids and he is a great success and a great person.

I appreciate the stories of people finding their way. I know quite a number of people that have done the same. He is smart and personable and has every possible future available to him. It is only my belief that he will decide to change his path that makes these bad days survivable.

Just wish he would hurry it up a bit!