Generally speaking, if the only guns out there were bolt-action rifles, which are the modern equivalent of the rifles used in early America for hunting and the sort of gun the founders had in mind, we'd all be a lot safer.

The good thing about a gun club and lessons is that Cory gets to use the gun, but under reliable adult supervision.

I'm with the gun club, and also that giving the gun without asking is the act of a douchenozzel.

Everyone, I get that we're upset at the situation with the gun, Suzi, and CJ. Suzi has said she is comfortable with his demeanor and attitude about and around guns. Her issue is with how the gun came to be in the house. Can we focus on the boyfriend's lack of respect instead?

I think most of posts do focus on that. The gun club is a way to deal with that disrespect without taking the gun away completely.

I'm just baffled and disheartened that K-Bug is with this guy at all -- she's such a kind, sweet, hard-working, thoughtful, all-around awesome young woman; this loser literally doesn't deserve the time of day from her, let alone her loyalty.

ITA with le n that it's a controlling power play dick move, and with ND that storing it at a gun range or club is a perfect way to reassert control without making it a personal power struggle. CJ gets to keep the gift and use the gift and it's still all his, but your boundaries in your home are secure.

I'm just mostly sick over K-Bug's total blindness.

Also, I want to fly back east and box TCG's mom's ears. She brought a sterling, deeply good man into the world and if she weren't so completely assy she'd realize that he's given her a daughter-in-law worth her weight in gold, but she's pissing away all the good they both might have brought into her life. Humans, why so self-destructively malignantly stupid?

^^^ points to JZ's post and nods head repeatedly.

I'm sorry to say that I have known too many young women and young men that are blind to the reality of the jerk they spend time with. Not much that can be done about that. That doesn't mean that the rest of the family has to tolerate the attitude.

Thanks y'all. Some great suggestions all. For now, I'm ok with the rifle in the house. It can't be fired. I do want the bolt under my control. We have some good friends who do belong to a gun range, so I'll ask them for some ideas.

Both CJ and K-Bug are kinda stuck in the "Mom, Dad, and B are all being so mean to the bf. They are the grown ups and should just fix it". But it isn't that easy. K-Bug has, for whatever reason, decided she loves this guy. I tried to shine light on the things I see as being damaging and she just refuses to see that.

If the bf (I won't tell you what that stands for in my head) didn't like what I told her and had come to me to talk, I would have gained some respect for him. I started this whole process with "I would love him to prove me wrong". But every action just confirms all the things that make my gut ache.

I hate that this whole mess has put distance between K-Bug and the rest of the family since that is one of his ploys - pulling her away from everyone she knew before him. But I'm really at a loss for what else to do at this point. I raised my concerns to her. I said my peace. She is an adult and will do what she will. Just breaks my heart.

Everyone, I get that we're upset at the situation with the gun, Suzi, and CJ. Suzi has said she is comfortable with his demeanor and attitude about and around guns. Her issue is with how the gun came to be in the house. Can we focus on the boyfriend's lack of respect instead?

My suggestion about the gun club was intended to be about asserting control over the situation without the need to take the gun away. Since she is comfortable with CJ having a gun then I think the issue is about showing that it's still according to her house rules, and not ones set by the BF or by CJ. He can keep the gun, and use it, and if it is stored offsite then the firing mechanism and ammunition can also be accessible, but in a way that Suzi can exert final control.

eta x-post with Suzi.

Wasn't directed at anyone in particular, ND. Your suggestion is a good one. I was trying to be broad, because I think the fact that a rifle is involved makes the conversation more fraught. Feelings run high on the issue of firearms. I came into the conversation later and read it all in one shot.

My apologies if I've offended anyone.

I appreciated it Maria, no worries. If it were a handgun, it would be a totally different conversation.