I did witness some of smonster's examples, while also seeing other things that concerned me as well. Strix, please do not delay in getting help. While your husband is a great support, he is not the one that has to do this. You do. Don't rule anything that could help out--not NA, not in-patient treatment--because the addiction doesn't care about spelling or a belief system. I'm pulling for you so much, and I will support you in any way I can, but I echo Laura's sentiments upthread. We will call you out on enabling behavior and excuses. Much love and strength to you and D.

So. I was in New Orleans that weekend too. You asked me several times that weekend what my name was. You continued to tag the wrong people in your pictures because you literally did not know who you were with.

Strix, I am not sure what prompted your post (maybe it was just now realizing that you couldn't remember how you got home from NOLA?) but I am glad for whatever caused the epiphany.

I agree with Smonster that I wish you had handled this privately, because responding here might make it appear that we are piling up on you, and that is not our goal.

I couldn't make a connection with you at all that weekend because you could not look people in the eye and have any kind of coherent conversation. And your slurring and general affect reminded me too much of substance abusers I've known, and I do not engage once I am triggered in that way.

You would disappear out of the blue when the group was together, wandering off lost and not able to navigate back to us. All of us felt the constant pressure to keep you on track, several of us sadly muttering "I didn't come to NOLA to babysit someone" at various times during the weekend.

You did not ruin Smonster's birthday, because the rest of us wouldn't let that happen.

We want you to get help. Thorough help.

I wouldn't invest an iota of time to write a response here if I didn't truly think you are a kind-hearted, well-meaning individual.

But I am going to take this a step further and say it's not just the NOLA weekend, my friend. I don't actually know if all of your issues are related to the drug use, because in the ten years I've observed you on the board, you've had multiple significant issues.

I know you struggle with depression and it's a helluva beast. I also know you have tried to set up a business but are unable to follow through on your obligations to clients. I know Buffistas who have attempted to support you and your burgeoning freelance career only to have the work you promise happen months late or not at all. Life happens, all of us goof up sometimes, but it’s a distinct and longstanding pattern with you.

And you know, I wouldn't bring that up AT ALL if not for your comment about seeking only help from "geniuses, scientists, and atheists" because wow did that sound elitist. And to say you were turned off by one group because their website had “to” and “too” mixed up?

Strix, you yourself have many spelling/typo/grammar issues on your own business's page, and unlike a drug abuse support group, you purport to be an editor. Do you see how that appears? I think it would be useful to you to really look at how you perceive yourself and how you're coming across.

You say you're trying to build a career, and now seek help for drug addiction, but comments about grammar on support group websites just make me shake my head and wonder if you’re really willing and ready to confront your deep issues.

Drug use, and life problems are suffered by people all over the world from all walks of life, and, as Smonster pointed out, you can gain insight and awareness sometimes in the most unexpected places. I truly hope you will read my post a few times and be honest with yourself. I *know* it’s going to be hard to read this. This is hard to write. But I care about you enough to put it out there.

I look forward to seeing you get comprehensive help and getting your life on track and seeing the transformation into the person I truly think you can be.

I was working on a post, but smonster, Maria, and Nanita said everything I could have thought of, and said it with more courage and eloquence than I could have mustered. I co-sign it all, but please know that though there is anger and frustration behind some of these words, there's genuine concern and desire to see you get real help and come out the other side of this. Nanita's last sentence couldn't have said it better.

Hence, my cats. Because she is being exactly what I need her to be right now and I know that Hec is going to excoriate me for this. He would totally understand and applaud if I cut off all my hair, but a cat? Total intellectual annihilation.

Awww, no I wouldn't. Whatever gets you through the night.

You see me posting cat videos on my friend Rio's page all the time because I know it cheers her up and she's digging out of a big hole.

I love you. I only want you healthy and happy and strong. Whatever it takes to get there, Strix.

eta:

Well, "whatever gets you through the night" was a poor choice of words considering the Ambien. Whatever helps you face your issues is I guess what I'm hoping for you.

You know we want you to be well. But it does sound like the reckoning is at hand, and reading Nanita and smonster's posts, I would hope you would find the strength and courage for self-honesty. A "fearless moral inventory" as it were.

I was watching SPN and AHS, so I just saw these posts.

First, an apology. I'm not angry, nor do I feel piled upon. I'm sorry for my behavior in NOLA. I thought I could act like a normal person, and I hoped that I could, but I deluded myself. It was unfair to impose my troubles on all of you by going to NOLA. I would be angry, too, smonster, and I'm so glad that your birthday wasn't ruined.

There's no secondly. Anything else would be me babbling about my feelings, and apologies are about other people's feelings. I hurt other people, and I never wanted that, never want that.

We're here for you, Strix.

All my good thoughts and strength to you, Strix, and to everyone. What a brutal, tough weekend to get through, protecting yourselves and one another and all the time meaning to be there for something so joyful as the amazingness that is smonster. My heart is twisting for everyone who had to push through all that, and this.

Seconding what everyone else said about groups -- not that I have any experience of those particular groups, but I know that I've never been part of any large-ish group of people apparently wildly different from me and from each other without having the ass of my brain and ego very helpfully kicked at some point, often by the last person I would have snootily expected to be capable of such a kicking. Not fun - in fact, pretty much the exact opposite - but salutary. Embiggening, even when it stung.

All my good thoughts, the best of them, for healing and steadying hands and the calling-out of bullshit and grace and patience.

Strix, thank you. Let us know how we can help.

Strix, love to you.

I have a friend/coworker that went through this. She had to work through things to find the truth of her addiction. She is not highly religious, but, like everyone else , she had t come to the conclusion that she did not have 100% control over her environment.

II'm really glad you are seeing this yourself. I know friends have tried to tell you before.

You have all my support. I 'm sure it will be hard and terrifying. No excuses.

I'm not sure what you need that I can give. but I wil send you cats giving you the look if that is what will help

once again, love

{{Bitches}}

First I want to express an admiration for those of you that can be open about their struggles. This is something that is pretty close to impossible for me. I'm also grateful that you understand that the tough love expressed here is love, Strix.

I wanted to weigh in on the wisdom found in surprising places with a few and the countless examples that popped into mind.

One of my friends, actually a son of one of my friends, is a man in his 40s with maybe a 4th grade intelligence level. Extreme reading issues. He has about 50x the common sense and financial sense that I have. He owns his home outright. He needed to have foot surgery so he planned for over a year how much he needed to save to have it happen. When he first bought the house he had trouble with his checks being returned because the number amount didn't match the written amount. He came to me and asked if I could type on the computer the numbers from 1 to 500 and have next to them the number written out so he could copy these for his checks. Brilliant! A week or so after I printed it out I let him know I could print more copies if he needed and he let me know that he had laminated it so it would last. He jokes that he is smarter than your average dummy, but I have been amazed by him numerous times.

My sweetest kindest loveliest customers are born again Christians. Cancer surgeon with only bibles in the waiting room and all the pictures in his office are Jesus type stuff. His patients have 'Spiritual Agreements' in the paperwork. I was caught a bit off guard when I found out that all meetings started with prayer, and of course they have to pray over me when I leave. Within the first month of having this customer I was behind on a deadline. They weren't upset. The office manager wrote me a lovely email asking if they could pray for me and if I could give her some idea of what struggle I was having they would pray on it. Completely sincere. These people have a serenity that I can't even imagine.

Last example is my biggest hero, my DH. One of the most brilliant men I have ever met. Huge respect from his colleagues and customers. Man absolutely will not ever get the difference between there and their or then and than, or countless other examples of grammar horrors. And he is completely bewildered that it makes a bit of difference to me. Much of my email comes from doctors, and many of them are just as bad.

Short version, we are all wired differently. I often find wisdom and insight in the most unexpected places. So now I expect it.

Loving thoughts sent to all of you. Another way too much work day ahead for me. Sigh.

edit because grammar...