We're here for you, Strix.

All my good thoughts and strength to you, Strix, and to everyone. What a brutal, tough weekend to get through, protecting yourselves and one another and all the time meaning to be there for something so joyful as the amazingness that is smonster. My heart is twisting for everyone who had to push through all that, and this.

Seconding what everyone else said about groups -- not that I have any experience of those particular groups, but I know that I've never been part of any large-ish group of people apparently wildly different from me and from each other without having the ass of my brain and ego very helpfully kicked at some point, often by the last person I would have snootily expected to be capable of such a kicking. Not fun - in fact, pretty much the exact opposite - but salutary. Embiggening, even when it stung.

All my good thoughts, the best of them, for healing and steadying hands and the calling-out of bullshit and grace and patience.

Strix, thank you. Let us know how we can help.

Strix, love to you.

I have a friend/coworker that went through this. She had to work through things to find the truth of her addiction. She is not highly religious, but, like everyone else , she had t come to the conclusion that she did not have 100% control over her environment.

II'm really glad you are seeing this yourself. I know friends have tried to tell you before.

You have all my support. I 'm sure it will be hard and terrifying. No excuses.

I'm not sure what you need that I can give. but I wil send you cats giving you the look if that is what will help

once again, love

{{Bitches}}

First I want to express an admiration for those of you that can be open about their struggles. This is something that is pretty close to impossible for me. I'm also grateful that you understand that the tough love expressed here is love, Strix.

I wanted to weigh in on the wisdom found in surprising places with a few and the countless examples that popped into mind.

One of my friends, actually a son of one of my friends, is a man in his 40s with maybe a 4th grade intelligence level. Extreme reading issues. He has about 50x the common sense and financial sense that I have. He owns his home outright. He needed to have foot surgery so he planned for over a year how much he needed to save to have it happen. When he first bought the house he had trouble with his checks being returned because the number amount didn't match the written amount. He came to me and asked if I could type on the computer the numbers from 1 to 500 and have next to them the number written out so he could copy these for his checks. Brilliant! A week or so after I printed it out I let him know I could print more copies if he needed and he let me know that he had laminated it so it would last. He jokes that he is smarter than your average dummy, but I have been amazed by him numerous times.

My sweetest kindest loveliest customers are born again Christians. Cancer surgeon with only bibles in the waiting room and all the pictures in his office are Jesus type stuff. His patients have 'Spiritual Agreements' in the paperwork. I was caught a bit off guard when I found out that all meetings started with prayer, and of course they have to pray over me when I leave. Within the first month of having this customer I was behind on a deadline. They weren't upset. The office manager wrote me a lovely email asking if they could pray for me and if I could give her some idea of what struggle I was having they would pray on it. Completely sincere. These people have a serenity that I can't even imagine.

Last example is my biggest hero, my DH. One of the most brilliant men I have ever met. Huge respect from his colleagues and customers. Man absolutely will not ever get the difference between there and their or then and than, or countless other examples of grammar horrors. And he is completely bewildered that it makes a bit of difference to me. Much of my email comes from doctors, and many of them are just as bad.

Short version, we are all wired differently. I often find wisdom and insight in the most unexpected places. So now I expect it.

Loving thoughts sent to all of you. Another way too much work day ahead for me. Sigh.

edit because grammar...

I think this may be a helpful essay

An Atheist's Guide to 12-Step Recovery

edit: but there are secular alternatives including

SOS

and

SMART

Strix, I'm late to the conversation. But a few observations.

Good on you for acknowledging that there's a problem. It's only the first step to fixing the problem, but a lot of people don't get that far.

Don't be ashamed of having a cat as a big part of your support system. You aren't the only one. Take your support where you can get it.

As others have suggested, don't give up if the first group isn't right for you. The right fit is out there.

So it's kind of nice that it's been addressed, and apologies for slowing the thread down to a halt. Buffistas may have noticed a distinct lack of posting about the NOLA weekend from most of the attendees, and it's because we really didn't know how to approach communication around the weirdness we were encountering.

So let me be the first to say (ha, I am MOS DEF not the first) that gotdamn NOLA is a wondrous place to visit. I can still taste the Parish Reserve I had at Avenue Pub (and feel the side eye given by Dana as we talked right through her beloved Saints game ;-)

It was so much fun to see everyone and help Smonster celebrate and walk around in the humidity taking in the verdant landscape. I had very much wanted to be able to say I never stepped foot on Bourbon Street but I did have to cross over it twice to get to Cafe du Monde from the Cemetery tour. But the drunk white tourists were nowhere to be found so it wasn't too awful.

I loved seeing Nora and Smonster in their elements - Smonster being the special guest speaker during our St. Louis 1 cemetery tour (she knew way more than the guide), and Nora leveraging rapports she's built with every bartender, server, chef, and barista in all of NOLA.

So, yes, the stuff around Strix caused anxiety but it by no means ruined the trip. And hey, if it led to Strix seeking help, then it was all part of a necessary path.

Nanita, I'm glad you were still able to enjoy your trip.

Gronk, it's been a long day. Mom and I finally got around to looking through all of the clothes ltc got at the baby shower. There was a ridiculous amount of them, and some of them were never going to fit her at their intended time, like summer stuff that will fit her in a couple of months or a 6-9 month Halloween outfit. So, we gathered all of that kind of thing from Carter's and Target and made those returns. Both stores were great about us not having receipts, and I picked up a few cute Halloween onesies and a dragon costume for ltc. I still have a huge credit for Carter's which I'll use when I figure out what ltc actually needs.

Now, I need to be packing for our first weekend at Mom's since March, but I'm taking a break to watch last night's Arrow. It's one of TCG's late meeting nights. So, I have a long evening alone with the baby ahead of me.

IOmemeN, therapy is not going well in that I'm really not getting anything out of it, and I'm frustrated and not sure what to do.

a dragon costume for ltc.

I believe I speak for everyone when I say PICTURES OH GOD PICTURES! Wee ltc dragon!