Oh, Strix. This is so tough. I hope you find the solutions that meet your needs.

Guys, thanks. Yes, it was superhard. Steph, thanks for the link. I fucking hate group work.

I can't wait for my laptop to get back to me. Its being fixed right now by the company and I wouldn't have any charges against me. It's the keyboard. God, my hands are sweating, and my whole body is just flushing hot and cold right now as I talk to you on my phone. You guys are the smartest people in out, and the best and I know that you'll call me on my bullshit, if you know the truth.

I accidentally posted twice and deleted it. I didn't say anything of substance. I didn't say anything at all, just hit the button. Which is why I wish I had my laptop back.

Much love to you, Strix. I hope you can find good help. When do you see your psychiatrist? What do you need to get you through to that meeting?

{{{Strix}}} I hope that you're able to find help.

On that homework question, I figured out that the computer system wouldn't let me add points to everyone's grade (or, at least, not efficiently -- it would take about three hours, and I'm not going to do that for something that will make zero difference in anyone's grade), but it would let me easily subtract points from the total value of the assignment. So, the assignment is now worth 44 points instead of 46, and so anyone who got those two questions wrong because of the stupid WebAssign issues now has a 100% on the assignment.

Much love to you, Strix. We're here for you.

I don't really hang out in this thread anymore, I hope it will not come amiss if I give you some advice, Strix. If you decide to try NA, do visit as many local in person meetings as you can and try to keep an open mind. I know Higher Power talk can grate, but people who rely heavily on that can also have other valuable insights that could be helpful to you if you don't tune them out. Part of the value of going to meetings is physically going and interacting with other human beings who have or have had some similar shit to deal with, even if you sit in the back and don't say anything. Once you have been to a whole bunch of meetings, you'll probably get a feel for which ones will help you, and it might be very different from your first impressions. There are some different formats and emphases and it's worthwhile to experience the differences (and, on a practical level, find out where exactly several options meet so if the ones you prefer end up conflicting with something you have backups)

Once you are to the point of choosing a sponsor, looking for a smart atheist may make sense, but if you start off with a lot of restrictions on what kind of meetings you are willing to go to, I think you will be making things harder for yourself.

Losing time like that sounds terrifying, I hope the psychiatrist can give you some kind of immediate help and guidance. And if you are going cold turkey or cutting down or whatever right now, check in with a medical doctor if you can, make sure that's safe. Best of luck to you, honey.

Strix - thank you for sharing and please don't stop. The support here is amazing. I know you know that, just doesn't hurt to put it on repeat.

Hil - I'm glad you found a work around but that is so frustrating that you HAD to find one.

Does anyone here use Google Sheets for complicated stuff? I'm trying to figure out how to do an input mask and am hitting a wall.

Well, I like what I am reading about Rational Recovery, you guys are probably some of the only people on the planet that will understand but a huge red flag for me is the fact that they misspelled "too" on their website's manifesto.

I don't have an appointment with my psych yet, D is in the shower and we haven't had time to talk yet.

Yes, this is classic avoidance. But as I am currently finding ordering Chinese food over my telephone far too difficult for me, I'm not that fussed by it.

I really appreciate you guys being here for me, I have one friend who is willing to talk to me at the moment. And she is doing it via text. While I understand this intellectually, emotionally I find it traumatic.

Right now, my biggest emotional support is my scaredest cat. Isn't that strange?I mean, D is offering unconditional support. I told him last night he needed to be an asshole, & I meant it. But he says that he can't do that, but he's not that kind of person. And he isn't that, totally isn't, but I need him to be.

Hence, my cats. Because she is being exactly what I need her to be right now and I know that Hec is going to excoriate me for this. He would totally understand and applaud if I cut off all my hair, but a cat? Total intellectual annihilation.

Aaand, this totally discounts him, which is ridiculous. Project much, me?

ETA: -t, you are right, I'm sure, and I am NOT rejecting any advice and support that I get right now, especially from a group of the smartest people I know. But the thought of going to meetings like that just makes my skin crawl. Fucking hate it