Beverly, I'm glad the eye issues are clearing up, so to speak.

Sj, I hope the pain levels get lower soon.

Ugh sj, I do hope you don't blame yourself for feeling edgy when you are in pain. And even more I hope the pain goes away or stops bothering you soon.

Thanks, everyone. I didn't sleep well. So, I'm tired and cranky, but my pain levels are down a little, probably because the rain has stopped for now. The therapist actually showed up on time this week. So, hopefully the new time will continue to work out. I'm still not sure this is the type of therapy I need, but I'll stick it out a little longer.

I went to the doctor today. Got the prescription for painkillers, but she wants my old rheumatologist to fax over my records before she'll sign the form for the referral to the connective tissue clinic, so I'll get that done. Also, between several attempts at blood pressure (on both arms), a flu shot, and a blood draw, my arms are going to be pretty bruised for the next few days.

Oh, I need a flu shot, I should have gotten that at the doc's last week.

I understand wanting old records but...does she not believe you ha e a connective tissue disease? Why hold up the referral??

Doctors are beyond paranoid when dealing with issues that involve narcotics.

She gave me the prescription without much hassle -- just had to sign a form saying that I agreed that I wouldn't also get the same prescription from another doctor. It was the referral to the connective tissue clinic that she wanted the records for. I think she said that the connective tissue clinic would want those records along with the referral, but I'm not sure why I couldn't just send the records directly to the clinic.

ION, I've realized that I can be considered lucky in my current circumstances. I'm corresponding with a 72-year-old woman whose suffering the same kind of debilitating joint and back issues Hubby had. She's also the primary caretaker of an older husband in seriously declining health. She can't get the treatments she needs, because her husband is in no shape to care for her and because it's so hard to find someone to take care of her husband when she's out of action. I met her on the widow board, because she wanted to talk to people who had taken care of a declining spouse. She's been writing to me for commiseration in dealing with recalcitrant medical people and stubborn pain issues.

It's strange giving advice to someone 18 years older than me, and I kind of hate myself for being so grateful that I'm not in her position. I dreaded the idea of trying to care for Hubby if he was unable to take care of himself. I'm relatively young and comparatively well off, with a good chunk of life left and the means to enjoy it. I am so very, tragically lucky. The universe has not presented me with anything I can't cope with, and my brain goes into gibbering jelly when imagining trying to cope with being 72 and half-disabled and having to care for someone older and more decrepit. I hope I can be of help to her.

Guys, I am having a super hard time dealing with stress. And it's not an inordinate amount of stress; it's just standard work stuff. My coping strategies are crap.

I just wanted to say that out loud.

I should go see my doctor about my antidepressant. I'm not sure if I need to switch to a new one (I'm on the highest dose) or just go off it. I originally went on it for anxiety, and my baseline anxiety went down at first, but has crept back up a little.

Therapy would give me some useful coping strategies, but -- and I recognize the total unhealthiness of this -- I told Tim last night I'm not ready to see a therapist. I get that that's shooting myself in the foot, but I'm just not willing to see a therapist right now.

So, yeah. Not dealing with stress well at all. Poot.