Thanks, sj. And to be clear, I'm not miserable either, it's just...not It, right? And I did kind of think fights like that are over like, my political conscience, or True Love(TM) not just being excited cause nobody questioned that three meals a day is still your right. "Got to. This America, man." I can haz monies, though. I told y'all the story of what truly made me a Simon fan, right? I mean, I really liked his book "Homicide" and not just find out if anyone Did It in a coffin(fuck no, although paradoxically, it hit such a nerve with the detective they asked that...but I digress) But anyway with his next book "The Corner" he went to Social Services...during his long wait, he noticed graffiti which I quote: Someone had very carefully written in Sharpie around the light fixture "All y'all people that work in here can go fuck yourselves." and that's when I knew David Simon knew what social services was like...he was also pleased that the punctuation was correct as written and noted it in the book, which I loved even more.

Oh, man I'm in a bad mood for no good reason. I was feeding the baby when dinner needed to be preped. So, Mom did it, and she doesn't listen. Nothing was done the way I wanted it, and I feel like I'm ready to have a totally disproportionate meltdown. I perhaps have some control issues.

Or maybe you are flooding with hormones on a daily basis.

That's not to discount the emotions, it's just to note that avoiding meltdowns is trickier at the moment.

Quick update: the eye surgeon is pleased with the improvement in inflammation after a month of steroid and atropine drops. The atropine has broken some of the adhesions between the lens and iris, and the pupil no longer looks so lumpy and misshapen; it's more football-shaped, which is still not *round*, but it's definite improvement. After more blood tests the PCP still can't pinpoint the cause of inflammation, but she recommends eliminating or further reducing sugar and simple carbs from an already lean diet, and increased exercize. To paraphrase, "couldn't hurt." She added a second referral to the surgeon's for an appointment with the rheumatologist. The problem there is, of the four rheumatologists in town, two are retiring, and the remaining two have to absorb their patient load, so appointments are hard to get. Meanwhile, I'm to stop the atropine and taper the steroid until a month from now, when we'll reassess. From my point of view (heh) the nearly opaque obstruction that blocked more than half my view has reduced to something the size of the end of my finger, and is nearly clear. Seeing is a good thing.

So, that settled, I went to bed Monday night and was woken from a sound sleep with toothache. Never got back to sleep. The dentist we've been seeing is excellent, but H and I both have felt he's surplus to our needs. Uninsured, we won't be dropping thousands for implants. He also has a vague air of disapproval because we don't want killer smiles and we only see him when necessary. Honestly, I feel like every time I walk in his office he's pulling teeth. H searched the yellow pages and found a new possible dentist: emergencies, walk-ins, care credit and installment payments, veneers, whitening, implants, bridges and dentures. They had an opening yesterday afternoon. I was very impressed with the cleanliness, appearance, and calm, competent atmosphere of the office. Buster Keaton films were playing on the waiting room tv--from the dentist's own collection. Everything went very well, the tooth came out, and there's an affordable replacement available going forward.

And in most recent news, oxy is my very best friend. Any mistakes are entirely due to him.

sj, it sounds like you've really got a handle on being ltc's mom--good for you! Also, give Nicole and Mike a hug for me, please.

Ginger, I'm so sorry. I'd give a lot to be close enough to help.

Glad to hear the eye is behaving better, Bev.

Beverly, I'm glad to hear there is improvement in your eyes. I will give Nicole a hug for you when I see her again. They're currently off exploring other parts of New England and will be back this weekend.

I've actually not been feeling very hormonal since ltc was born, although pregnancy was for feeling out of control hormonal. I think my pain levels are to blame for my current inability to deal with certain things. I hurt too much at the moment to be able to go back to sleep after feeding ltc.

Beverly, I'm glad the eye issues are clearing up, so to speak.

Sj, I hope the pain levels get lower soon.

Ugh sj, I do hope you don't blame yourself for feeling edgy when you are in pain. And even more I hope the pain goes away or stops bothering you soon.

Thanks, everyone. I didn't sleep well. So, I'm tired and cranky, but my pain levels are down a little, probably because the rain has stopped for now. The therapist actually showed up on time this week. So, hopefully the new time will continue to work out. I'm still not sure this is the type of therapy I need, but I'll stick it out a little longer.