I saw my psychiatric nurse practioner today. She briefly talked about adding an anti depressant but the one she wanted to try - Effexor is the one that caused me to be manic/mixed state/depressed and suicidal. So that's out. In the end she decided to wait and see and give the lamictal a chance once I increase that.

Then I went to the weekly DBT skills follow up and that was...a disater. I won't go into it but there is someone in that group who was in the intensive outpatient thing and I don't like her. I guess she's nice but she talks all the time. And other stuff. So I was already annoyed and tired and I ended up dealing with something that made me really upset and people were tryign to be supportive and all I wanted was for them to stop talking and paying attention to me and move on.

However, I did go and see my mananger. I learned the store is carrying over 20 new snack items (everyone rejoiced, someone had bought 1 of all of them when I was walking in. Seriously it's nice to have more choices).

And I'm going to start work Monday doing downstocking (restocking the shelves). Normally it's 7am -11 am shift but I thought 7 would be too early...if I take my meds at 5:30 am then around 7 I start coming out of the fog. So I'm going to work 8-noon. The store opens at 10 so I'll have 2 hours where there are no customers.

I'll need to talk to the assistant manager I'll be working with. I won't tell him details but I want to tell him about the struggle with anxiety and that I may need a break to collect myself or take medication. And also that the meds are causing some problems with not serious congnitive impairment but sometimes it's hard for me to come up with the right word or I might forget what I'm doing.

And working this makes me feel like I'm taking a huge step back. But the goal is to work 2 days a week until I feel like I have mastery and add more days and then maybe try some shifts at the register and see how I feel. Or maybe do some roleplaying so I can see if I can get through selling something.

askye, that doesn't seem like a step back to me at all. And I hate effexor more than any antidepressant I was ever on, and the psychiatrist I was on refuse to listen to me about how miserable it made me.

I just have a really long list of meds that either I stopped taking becuase they made me feel too good (ie hypomanic) or they had side effects and I can't remember which ones are which unless the side effects are really major.

Also I've been really short tempered and irritable especially being out in public. I think my therapist would say that it's because I'm isolating but I'm even like that in Second Life. I don't want to be around people because they are too loud or annoying /chaotic. Which I think is the agoraphobia kicking in. Or just my anti social behaviors.

I'm scared about monday but at least i'll have stuff to keep me busy.

askye, I don't know what dose of Lamictal your doctor has you on, but I've found it very effective for me. I'm on a fairly high dose with very few side effects. I think I may have a few more migraines than is normal for me, but that's about it. I have anger issues, too, and I've found the Lamictal very helpful in ameliorating that.

I just wanted to say, askye, it sounds to me like you're doing great, and taking really excellent proactive steps.

I wouldn't worry too much about the irritability. You've got some pretty big transitions going on, especially when you're dealing with meds shifts, and that may settle as well. Keep on checking I here, because it's really good to hear from you how things are going.

I need to remember that taking my PRN doses of klonopin is not a failure but a skillful thing. I feel so much better now that I have. I mean I want to use skills to handle the anxiety but I can't do that when I'm too anxious.

Sail - on the 15th I'll bump up to 150 mg.

Remembering to take a medication that helps you is a skill. Following through and taking that medication is a skill. Not the ONLY skills, but don't fool yourself; some people refuse to take medication and they suffer for it. Taking it IS a skill.

Well it's PRN which I hate because i'm so bad at deciding when I need to take it. Plus I still feel sleepy and then I don't want to feel more sleepy.

Well it's PRN which I hate because i'm so bad at deciding when I need to take it.

Yeah, but I still maintain that recognizing when to take it is a skill, which means it's something you'll improve, and you won't be so bad at deciding when you need to take it.

Remembering to take a medication that helps you is a skill. Following through and taking that medication is a skill. Not the ONLY skills, but don't fool yourself; some people refuse to take medication and they suffer for it. Taking it IS a skill.

OMG yes. Also extra bad when the thing you need the med for steps you from taking it--Saturday I felt like ASS all afternoon. Headache, not at all hungry, couldn't stand light...blamed it on too much sun, took Otc painkiller, took a nap, nothing worked...finally remembered I have migraine meds. For when I have migraines. Duh?!? 90 minutes later it was like a miracle had occurred. I was so much better. Sigh.