Separate post for the mememe: I need help. I haven't talked about this here, because I've been trying to respect her privacy, but I've hit a wall and don't know what to do. My sister tried to commit suicide again in February for the first time in years. She has diagnoses of bipolar and borderline personality disorder, which means a lot of black and white thinking and very volatile relationships. She has very little sense of self, and is moving back home with my very rigid parents (father micromanager and caretaker, mother super negative and caretakee).

I'm trying to support her from afar, but the littlest thing gets her to shut down and stop talking to me, as she just did in Messenger.* All she seems to want is someone to complain to: I'm guessing she feels so lost and overwhelmed that she can't even begin to think about strategies. My parents had her sign an agreement and now want her to edit it. She hasn't, I asked her why, she said, "I just don't care," I asked "about what? living?" and she ended the conversation (this was a few days ago). I suggested that she make the agreement more of a two-sided thing (asking parents to let her sleep in one day a week, setting boundaries on how they support her); I offered to help her with a draft. She liked one or two of the suggestions but hasn't done anything.

She says "I'm just tired and want to be left alone".

I know I can't "fix" her, I just want to figure out how to support her because she doesn't even know. I struggle with setting boundaries with her, though I'm better than I used to be. I'm thinking about buying this book or similar - [link] - because I don't know how to deal with her. None of us do.

This is teal deer, I know. If anyone has resources or tips on supporting people with BPD (or Emotional Dysregulation Disorder, which is what they're moving towards calling it), then I'd appreciate it. ~ma for my sister R and our whole family also appreciated.

* hahaha turns out she had to go eat lunch. because it was lunchtime. oh, my own silly projecting. this post is still pretty accurate.

Typo, I'm sorry about the meds drama, and I hope a workaround is found before it's all sorted out again.

askye, that situation sounds awful, and rather than helpful, actually harmful for you. I'm glad you extricated yourself from it, and are making other steps that are better for you.

Teppy, Tim is so joyous in those pics, so comfortable and glamorous, and it's beautiful to see. I don't have the shoes gene, so he gets all my share, okay? Thank you both for sharing the photos.

crosspost, smonster. I'm so sorry your sis is dealing with this. I have no helpful suggestions, and I'm sorry, but I wish her the best, and that you find a way to support her that's good for you both.

smonster, I have a bunch of therapist friends. I will ask around for conrete techniques that have worked for their clients.

I got an email from my therapist. I'm going to try and contact some of the places I got info about.

I emailed my manager at work and asked if I could talk about going in just one day a week maybe working registers or doing warehouse stuff until I'm feeling more steady.

I'll even straighten or clean stuff.

smonster, best of luck finding a way to help your sister. So much to navigate there without going astray. Clear sailing!

askye, that sounds like a great first step. My favorite aunt used to say "inch by inch, anything's a cinch". I try to take that to heart and when something is too overwhelming, finding the smallest component part to start with and just do it. Sometimes, that means picking up one dirty cup and taking it to the sink. Break it down to what works for you.

I mentioned my Rule of 5. In my darkest depressions, sometimes it's the only thing that I could actually use to get me to do ANYTHING besides sleep or stare aimlessly and be all BLEARGH FML.

5 is the key. Wash five forks, done. If you want to wash 1 more, that's OK, but YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

Pick up 5 pieces of clothes off the floor. DONE. GO outside and walk for 5 minutes. DONE. Open Word and write 5 sentences. DONE.

If you get into the groove, that's cool, and often you will. But many, many times, you get the 5 done and that's it. And that's OK. You DID 5 OFF THE THINGS! THIS IS BETTER THAN ZERO! YOU WIN!

My landlord just came by to see if my apartment was in suitable condition for showing it so that she can get a new tenant when I move out. That went better than I'd expected. She's usually a total neat freak. She pretty much said it looked fine, and that all she wants me to do is wipe down the kitchen surfaces and clear some of the clutter out of the front room, so that it makes a good first impression. I was going to clear the clutter anyway, and the kitchen will just take a few minutes. She also thanked me profusely for keeping the carpets in such good condition. I really didn't do anything with the carpets -- I guess it helps that I pretty much always take off my shoes as soon as I get in?

Ugh smonster, it sounds like you are being very supportive and yet careful to set your own boundaries. Sending ~ma to your family.

And Steph, Tim looks wonderful in those pics! How great for both of you to have such wonderful photos (I am thinking here of the ones they took of you as well). Awesome studio, may I say?Also having total make up envy. I want someone to do me up all glam sometime. (Okay I did have great make up at my wedding, but that's the only time. A girl should have proper make up once in a while, right?)

Tim is very appreciative of his fan club, and said (I quote) "you have awesome friends."

He also said "Take away that hair and makeup, and that's what every day is like at Stately Beckmeyer Manor." Which is basically true (although he's wearing a miniskirt and flippy-floppies right now).